Winter, Mind Control, Kissing, Perogies, and Me With Myself
I have nothing in particular to say. This is just going to be one of those random, meandering things.
One, two, three… Go!
I am officially done with winter. Most of us who have been having to deal with all of this polar vortex bullshit are completely finished, because it's been too cold for too long and we're tired of weather that literally hurts our faces. There is nothing new to say about how sick of winter a person can be.
When I woke up this morning, it was -49°C, and I started to feel panicky from the claustrophobic idea of being held captive by nature. I couldn't go to the park for any length of time, or walk to the bank, or walk down the sidewalk with a cup of coffee. Well, technically I could, but my panicky claustrophobia was preventing me from putting on all the layers I would need to be able to handle the weather. Plus, my left eye weeps uncontrollably in the cold, and I didn't want it to freeze shut, which happens sometimes.
I turned to Onion, my boyfriend the cat, and I said out loud, "I JUST WANT TO BE NAKED UNDER THE SUN AND NOT DIE." I felt so truly pathetic when I heard myself talking to the cat that I started to cry, and then I remembered why I have a full spectrum lamp for seasonal depression and promised to use it more often.
This is me keeping Oskar company while he eats.
Cats will slowly and methodically manipulate your behaviours until you find yourself doing whatever they want you to do. Oskar flicks his tail and looks over his shoulder, and then I say, "Oh, you want me to watch you eat?", and then I follow him into the kitchen and watch him eat.
Surely, there must be a tin foil hat or something to help ward against their mind control.
I'm just posting a photo of lesbian dolls kissing to mess with the search results that lead to this blog. Lesbian dolls kissing lesbian dolls kissing lesbian dolls kissing lesbian dolls kissing lesbian dolls kissing.
I didn't pose these doll heads, by the way. They were already that way when I got home. Sluts.
This Is What It's Like When Winter Makes You Eat Everything Bad For You, Whether You Like It or Not
by Elan Morgan
Later winter makes you give up on life and comfort eat all your feels in a Swiss Chalet full of loud babies. The deep-fried cheese perogies will seem like the perfect choice, because cheese is always the right choice in February, even though the perogies show up, inexplicably, with plum sauce. It turns out it was supposed to be cajun sauce, but who cares, because you now have all the food groups, Cheese and Sugar. You and your feelings dip those deep-fried cheese perogies in plum sauce, and your brain says "Who the hell needs serotonin now, bitch?"
This blog has officially become a bit sweary. Fuck.
This is Onion, the most effective mind control cat ever invented. I'm surprised Google hasn't bought him yet.
This is me, hoping longingly for spring with myself in the winter dark.
Come on, groundhogs! Smash your power rings together, or whatever it is you do, and get this spring thing happening! Unless you've struck some kind of deal with whoever controls this polar vortex bullshit, in which case: may your burrows flood and drown you while you sleep. Love, me.
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