Things I Am Struggling With Today, Because Neuroses
- I generally cut my hair very short — I keep it about an inch long all over my head — but I don't mind growing it out up to two inches sometimes. Now I am torn between cutting it now or waiting until after I speak at Mom 2.0 Summit at the beginning of May. Do I go with super short hair, which I prefer? Or do I go with slightly less short hair, which I feel is more socially acceptable? I feel entirely too neurotic about what amounts to half an inch of difference. Maybe I should buy a wig and be done with it. Do wigs come in leopard print? Maybe I should just go all out.
- I have started to feel very sympathetic for pigs, and it has recently gotten in the way of my ability to appreciate bacon on occasion. Tonight, I am eating gyoza, Japanese pork dumplings, and I am pretending that they are not pork, because I love both the dumplings and the pigs. How do I know for sure if I've crossed a personal ethical/emotional boundary that I should not be crossing? Does it matter if this boundary crossing experience only amounts to one anxious person sitting alone on a couch? One thing I do know, though, is this: I doubt the pigs will respect me in the morning either way.
- Are you ever ageist against yourself? I sometimes am. I worry about how I am perceived by others now that I am over 40. While I noticed ageism all the time out in the offline workforce, I feel like there is less of it online, but I wonder if that is the case. Do you think this is true? Are you harder on yourself because of your age? Are you harder on others because of theirs? Does being online eradicate age barriers, at least in part?
- I had a dream last night in which I fell in love with a fairly masculine woman. The only problem was the bristly whiskers she grew along her lips inside her mouth. They made me think of sea urchins and fishermen when I kissed her. In the dream, I struggled with my ability to value her love over spending a lifetime pretending her mouth didn't make me think of bottom feeders. Today, I struggle with forgetting the horrible sensation of interior mouth whiskers. Blech.
- What is up with that mouth whiskers dream? Wait. Please, don't answer that.