Onion May Become Our New Nap Warden, Statistics Permitting
Onion is trying to instigate some truly unproductive behaviour here. He's been tanking our efficiency statistics this entire quarter, and we know this has been a problem for some time. He does raise office morale, though, so we're not sure if letting him go is the right course of action.
In the meantime, we're implementing his proposal to institute mandatory afternoon nap breaks on a trial basis, because, despite our strong reservations about his usefulness to this company, he has waged a masterful debate to establish his argument. I mean, just look at him.