My New Winter Coat Makes for Some Good Hoar Frost Appreciation

After suffering through the last few winters with coats that were nice to look at but not too warm, I finally found a heavier coat that doesn’t look like a quilted sleeping bag. The present fashion in winter coats is decidedly on the quilted sleeping bag end of the spectrum, and I’m not having it.

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It turns out that, when you’re not hustling from place to place hunched against a bitter cold you wish you could punch in the throat but instead you can to walk comfortably at a leisurely pace, you’re actually able to enjoy the world outside your apartment. This means I might end up hating winter a lot less this year, which is a great turn of events, because we don’t own a car. I really should have thought of this winter coat thing sooner.

If you look at the picture above with the pink and blue billboard in it and squint, you’ll see two really stupid geese hanging out in an empty lot. If I had a pair of wings and a fly buddy to escape this place for 100% free, I wouldn’t decided to stick it out in an empty lot that’s too polluted for anyone to build on. GO SOUTH, GEESE. What losers.

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The other thing I learned is that when you’re in a coat warm enough to handle hanging around outside, you have the time to look up and notice the immense beauty of hoar frost.

When I was a kid who didn’t know about homonyms, I thought hoar frost was whore frost, and I assumed it was some grownup reference to prostitutes no one had explained to me yet. I honestly thought this gorgeous crystalline display might bear a resemblance to a terrible venereal disease that was surprisingly pretty. If venereal diseases were half this pretty, people would get them on purpose for decoration.