Lobster Love: A Conversation

AIDAN: I'm going to pince you. [He reaches out, pinching with hands folded into claws.]

ME: Don't you mean "pinch"?

AIDAN: No, I'm going to pince you. [He grabs at me with his claw hands.] Pince, pince, pince, pince. See?

MEStop it. STOP IT.

AIDANYou don't want to be married to a lobster? What do you have against lobsters?

MENothing. I don't like eating them.

AIDAN: You don't have to eat any. Why wouldn't you want to be with a lobster?

MEYou mean sexually?

AIDANWell, no, that's not all it would be.

ME: No, I do not want to get bestial with a sea bug. Nope.

AIDAN: But it wouldn't be that weird. After a few years, your relationship would naturally change into a more companionable affection. Don't make it dirty.

ME: ...

AIDAN: Pince. Pince, pince, pince.