Gratitude List 1113: Decluttering, Letting Go, Performance Art, a Furry Blanket, and a Partner Through the Hard Parts
We did a mighty decluttering of our apartment over the weekend, and I guesstimate that we got rid of a quarter to a third of our stuff by volume. We literally had two rooms mostly turned over to old stuff we couldn’t use, and it feels amazing to have our space back.
Going through rooms and closets of discarded things turned out to be a lot harder on my heart than I thought it would be. I wasn’t expecting it to feel confronted by a long list of perceived failures: the knitting projects unfinished, the paint I never put on our walls, old journals outlining the worst of my insecurities and anxieties. It was awful, but it was also good. It’s not useful or kind to hold onto what didn’t happen when life now without those things has so much. Now that I’ve seen what I’m facing, I can work on letting go and get at the parts of me I’ve been withholding love from.
I got to see Sheree Rose and Martin O’Brien’s performance at Queer City Cinema’s Bad (Ass) Bodies film and performance festival. I was deeply moved by the documentary Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist back in 1997, which included Sheree Rose, so getting to see her perform was a dream I didn’t even know I could have. (Warning: Sick includes graphic self-torture and BDSM content, so don’t look for it if you’re squeamish. I’m not posting photos of Saturday’s performance here for that reason.)
It’s fall, and our place gets a bit chilly before the heat kicks in for the season, so I’ve rediscovered sitting under my furry blanket with my giant mug of hot tea and the occasional kitty.
Fall is a difficult time, because my seasonal depression kicks in pretty deep before I get it managed, but Aidan has been so good to me. I’m grateful for a partner that walks me through the hard parts without judgement.