From Mashed Potatoes to Muppet Slippers, I've Got It All Under Control

This post was originally published in my weekly newsletter.

The last few weeks of current events have been harsh on my constitution, so I've dedicated the time I don't spend obsessively reading American news to wearing comfy clothing and padding around in my new fuzzy muppet slippers. The goal is to feel like I'm wrapped in a security blanket. I do wish this were an activity for which I could be handsomely remunerated, but, sadly, the products of this labour have only found a very limited market.

Where do I get such amazing muppet slippers? When I'm supposed to be asleep but am instead wide awake and thinking about the end of the world as we know it, I fall deep inside an app called AliExpress where there are enough scarves and toques and slippers to carry me through the wee hours. It's a comforting way to spend my insomnia while I start an exciting fuzzy muppet slipper collection. I didn't mean to start one, but two pairs seemed better than one, and I'm thisclose to thinking I need a third pair that look like two Pikachus.

This replaces my earlier mashed potatoes obsession, which worked wonders for my news-related anxiety but raised my cost of living by two pairs of bigger pants. If this muppet slippers thing turns into a three-pair problem, though, I promise not to start naming them after famous duos like Jay and Silent Bob (my left foot complains in the morning while the right one never makes a peep). I can anthropomorphize anything, but I keep it carefully controlled. I developed a bad relationship with a jar of pickled beets once, and it's still in the back of my fridge.

How are you dealing with current events in your off hours?