#382: SHOW AND TELL AND THE OLD APPLE CORE GAG
Today is Show and Tell for Schmutzie. I made stuff recently that I quite like, and while I'm all high riding on the laurels of my decent weblog review, I thought I would continue on this vainglorious path and share a couple of other things I've done that I'm proud of. There's far too much snark and sadness and self-deprecation on this internet.
The first thing I am going to share is a weblog template that I created for one Ms. Ladyloo. I just installed it yesterday morning.
Here I am going to launch into boring design talk, so mosey on over to the next paragraph if this too much boring:
I had to learn a lot in order to be able to build the design I envisioned, because the header image is split up into two sections, the first of which is specified as a background image and the second of which is a centred image in the sidebar. Making them appear as a single image was a struggle. I also had to get creative when I decided that I wanted the maple leaf to look as though is was overlapping the table and lying partially on the red background. The third thing that tied me up for hours was figuring out how to make the entry text flow around the leaf image at the top of the main entry space. I am so pleased with the finished project, though, and I think that is precisely because I learned so much while tackling it. Also, Ladyloo likes it, and that thrills me to no end.
The next thing that I worked on recently is a poem. Oh, I know, you're all thinking What the hell is up with Schmutzie today? First she's tech this and tech that, and now she's poem blah blah free-verse trying to kill us. I am never coming back here if this is her idea of hospitality. Just remember, I rarely foist this kind of thing upon you. Humour me. After this entry, we will return to our regularly scheduled posting.
The trees are overwhelmed by night
behind the windowpane's reflection,
and their leaves are lost to the sewers,
gutters, to rot confined in polyethylene bags.
There is less of them each time and it's
goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
through a raised hand against the sun
with fingers counterfeiting branches.
On a Sunday morning when some fold
their hands together, closed and still,
the elm become most naked, spreading,
flowering negative spaces between limbs.
The cold that makes us shiver has them toss
the leaves that fall in sheets against the grass green moss.
See? That wasn't so painful. I did not mention roses or rain or rainbows or emotions that make you think of sad mime faces once.
Schmutzie is in the bath tub, heading into her second hour, when the Fiery One enters the bathroom holding an apple core.
Fiery: Would you find this disgusting if I put this apple core in your bath water? It would be like having garbage in your bathwater!
Schmutzie: No, not really. It's only fruit.
There is a splash, and the water dousing her magazine startles Schmutzie.
Schmutzie: What the hell are you doing!?
Fiery: The apple core is in your bathwater! Aren't you grossed out?
Schmutzie: No, it's still just an apple.
Fiery: Oh. Well, I would have been grossed out.
The Fiery One picks the floating apple core out of the bathtub and leaves to throw it in the trash.
My husband throws garbage in my bathwater. We call that a sense of humour around here.