Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

#294: MY CROTCH, CLEANING FOR STARCAT, SHOCKLEY, AND A DREADFUL QUIZ

Do you know what I just found in my crotch? I am wearing the same pair of black velvet pants from two days ago when I ate pizza for lunch. When I was done eating, there was parmesan cheese mashed into my chair. Guess where I just found the rest of the leftovers? MY CROTCH IS CAKEY WITH THE YELLOWISH CHEESE. This is why I am so popular at work.


I have a lot of preparing to do tonight. Starcat is coming to visit for the long weekend, and I find the prospect of fixing the apartment's state of yuck this evening daunting. The bird cages need cleaning, floors sweeping, laundry laundering, bathroom scrubbing, dishes washing, and everything else needs everything elsing.

I don't know if you know this about me, but cleaning is a hard thing for me to do. I have a mental block that translates itself into a physical block. I will go home with the purpose in mind to tidy something up, it could be something as simple as doing one sinkful of dishes, and then it just won't happen. I will be in the kitchen, I may even turn on the tap at one point to get the hot water running, and then it's over. I'll be crawling into bed at 11:00 pm wondering what it was I had thought I should do and then didn't, and even then I won't remember.

Usually, the only people who have to deal with our mess is us, so it's easier to be completely lackadaisical about it. I'm hoping that having the foreknowledge of Starcat's visit will trigger a deeper, more enduring desire to clean this time, because otherwise he is going to have to sleep in a room full of feathers, bird seed, used plates, half-dead houseplants, piles of clothing I've forgotten I've owned, and old shoes. He and I used to live together, so none of this should surprise him.

I should also mention that he and his present roommate are just about if not equally as disgusting as the Fiery One and I. When I was last up in Cosmopolis and stayed on their couch, the other half of their living room was full of bicycles, boxes, books, kitchen gear, and old computer parts. Starcat's keyboard was covered in tomato sauce splatters.

Just remembering these things is taking the pressure off feeling as though I have to get my apartment spic and span. I think I'll go for less disgusting and a clean place for him to sleep. I think that's something we can all likely live with. Unless my apartment gives him some dread disease, in which case we won't.


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"Where Is It Clean" by Evie Shockley

Shockley blogs with a poets' collective


Everyone says this, but really, I am not one for quizzes. This one, though, was so right on the money.




Your Birthdate: December 29

Your birthday on the 29th adds a tone of idealism to your nature.

You are imaginative and creative, but rather uncomfortable in the business world.

You are very aware and sensitive, with outstanding intuitive skills and analytical abilities.

The 29 reduces to 11, one of the master numbers which often produces much nervous tension.

This is the birthday of the dreamer rather than the doer.

You do, however, work very well with people.


She Gave Me A Blanket Of Bees And Crabapple Blossoms