For most of this last summer, my dreams were not terribly vivid if I remembered them at all. My dream life rolls in and out, rarely middling and spending most of its time at either end, either bringing forth weeks of rollicking tumult or vegetative dark. Lately, I have been experiencing the big wave category of dreaming, which explains the midget Downs Syndrome vampire child zombies I mentioned yesterday.

All five physical senses do not behave in my dreams the same way they do in waking life. For instance, my ability to hear is abysmal. It's not that I am deaf in a hearing dream world; all sound is muffled to quiet incomprehensibility and understanding auditory signals is an exercise of intuition. Because sound is unreliable, my dream self has a heightened awareness of her physical surroundings. Where everything is situated and what has moved or is moving tells me what is happening so that I can react.

In short, it is easy to sneak up on me in dreams if I am distracted, which brings me to the dream I had three nights ago.

I lived in a small house with a bunch of roommates. We were all standing around in a very messy bedroom, quite unsure what to do next, because we knew that the world outside our little house was being overrun with vampire zombies, and we were not prepared for it. I know that you are thinking who would be prepared for an attack of vampire zombies? The fact is that we knew of this impending attack in advance but were too apathetic to take it too seriously. Now we were taking it seriously and had a serious shortage of boards and nails to block up the windows and doors.

Thinking back, my friends and I were having major issues with our collective cognitive functioning, because while we stood around dumbly and wondering what to do, our house was being invaded by a lesser variety of vampire zombie. We hadn't even considered attempting some kind of defense before this standing around phase of our master plan. It was like we were stunned.

I was just waking up to the realization that we were really going to die soon if we didn't act quickly, when these tiny midget Downs Syndrome vampire child zombies started crawling out from around and under the bed. They were oblivious to the other warm bodies in the room and fell hungrily onto my legs. Another thing about my dream body is that it doesn't usually feel too much. It's a lot like my dream hearing. In this instance, though, I could feel every last nail and tooth dig into my flesh. The pain was instant and cold and loud.

It was brilliant, really. Vivid dreaming is usually a good sign. It often means that I have closer access to what I think and feel. It means that I write better, that I think more clearly, and that my brain, rather than being a morass of conflicting thoughts and feelings, can follow a line of reason more thoroughly. A lack of dreaming usually means that I am in a good, solid depression.

Who would have ever guessed that midget Downs Syndrome vampire child zombies might actually be harbingers of good times ahead?

"If He Were Alive Today, Mayhap, Mr. Morgan Would Sit on the Midget's Lap" by Ogden Nash