Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

#662: TWENTY-FOUR THINGS I THOUGHT WOULD BE FUN, BUT THEN THEY JUST WEREN'T

  1. Sliding down that hill without a sled because I thought my snowsuit was slippery enough and padded enough to give me a real swell ride

  2. Eating that bit of skin off the top of a wild forest mushroom that smelled like Thrills

  3. Trying the soapy, moldy taste of Thrills gum on a dare

  4. Feeding my little brother chocolate chips that I had secretly coated in Tabasco sauce

  5. Balancing like an acrobat on the end of a dock over a patch of weed-ridden water

  6. Eating half a worm from my mother's garden

  7. Cooking from scratch without a recipe with a friend of mine after we made a pact that we had to eat the outcome, and then eating the outcome

  8. Dating that nerdy computer salesman who looked like Dilbert because his obsessive personality seemed endearing at the time

  9. Accepting a marriage proposal when I was a psychologically messed-up twenty-year-old

  10. Drinking a Bohemian with tomato juice and a raw egg, which mixture was heated for thirty seconds in the microwave

  11. Attempting to tame my eyebrows with a leg razor

  12. Watching "Idiocracy", which equated lowered intelligence with strict adhesion to the negative traits assigned to the male and female genders, meaning that stupid women were portrayed as sluts who accepted constant fondling and come-ons from men

  13. Jambing my first cat into the sleeve of my father's winter coat until his head came out the end so that I could pretend he was a giant sandworm from Dune

  14. Wearing high heels

  15. Running down the street in the middle of the day while wearing my mother's bra stuffed with socks over top of my t-shirt

  16. Extending my belly and then telling my mother I pregnant at fifteen when I wasn't

  17. Selling flavoured popcorn in a mall

  18. Sticking the small, plastic apple from Operation up my nose

  19. Burning scratch-and-sniff valentine cards in the fire place

  20. Going to that slumber party with girls who were more popular than me and watching "Fame"

  21. Eating the entire huge tray of tortilla chips with extra fake cheese sauce at the movie theatre

  22. Seeing how long I could stay awake before my body forced me to fall asleep

  23. Rearranging all the furniture in the apartment

  24. Taking a cold shower to make my brother believe that they were fun



Now it's your turn. Go forth and lament your lack of forethought!

(If you write a list of your own as a blog entry, please come and link to it here in the comments.)