I'm a Catfight Battleground and a Bloody Mess
These two cats, Lula and Onion, generally get along, but Lula is 10 years of practiced evil incarnate locked inside a sweet-looking, kittenish little package. It’s very deceiving.
In her usual way, she came upon Onion minding his own damn business while having a happy snooze, and she just couldn’t let that stand, because Lula’s motto is HATE IS BEAUTIFUL, so she, of course, behaved like a demon made of knives. (She might actually be able to shapeshift into a demon made of knives. She’s far too fast and effective.) Onion panicked, there was literal fur flying, and it was all so quick that I didn’t check out my own person until the pain hit about a minute later.
Pets are calming, they say. They will lower your blood pressure, they say. THEY ARE FULL OF POOP. Unless by “calming” they mean “receding into shock” and by “lower blood pressure” they mean “blood loss”. If that’s the case, then they’re BANG ON.