#487: SPREAD THAT SHIT AROUND SOME MORE
I am a totally ginormous reject.
Okay, well, not really. I should stop talking like I'm twelve.
I am a sizeable twat. (Not that I have anything whatsoever against twats. I just like the sound of the word. Sometimes when someone says something to me, I like to say Twat? I didn't hear you, because I think that shit's funny, and the other person usually doesn't catch on).
Back to my sizeable twatness: to be more specific, I have been too selfish to really take in how nice some people can be, and as a result, I have been walking around feeling pathetic and alone and dark when I could have been belting out tunes from the Up With People songbook, (which I really did sing out of when I was a kid), and being kind to strangers and whatnot.
Barely out of the hole that I had just begun to dig myself out of with the help of St. John's Wort, I was once again digging in my heels. If I were to actually realize my inner goth teen, he/she/it would probably pour the depth his/her/its being into something like the following tripe:
the full moon's illusion
is that its light pours through my raven hair
like liquid fingers,
but it is shards of glass
that pierce my milky skin.
The good thing is that I figured this out this morning and snapped back into a much more thankful mood. I was pouring myself my first cup of coffee when I noticed that we were out of the toxic white creamer powder that I need to cut the acidic flavour of the F0lger's that my office buys.** I started this internal monologue that was full of foul language and grumbling, and then I remembered what I wrote about the Harmony Branch™ and remembered that the office coffee sucks with or without the toxic white creamer powder. I had completely lost my perspective.
I made myself think of nice things, and I came up with three things that have happened recently. I have not sent out the proper thanks for these nice things, and it is high time I did, lest people start realizing just how far up my own bum I can crawl and how long I can hold my breath in there.
Joan from Flo's Diner has mailed me a little something to encourage my knitting. I can't wait to see exactly what I'm getting. I keep envisioning combinations of colours and textures in my head. Will it become a hat? a bag? a pair of thumbless mittens? (I don't know how to do thumbs). I haven't received your package yet, Joan, but when I do, I assure you that I will be thrilled. I will be like a kitten with forbidden string. Only without the slimey string removal process. I promise.
TB from Soul Gardening is a more thoughtful person than most people I know, because in the midst of her various worries and a move to another state, she took the time to write the Fiery One and I a card to let us know that she was thinking of us. I got it a couple of days ago in the middle of a very low afternoon. I sat down on the sofa and read her card over three times and smiled. She's proof that the world is not solely populated with trolls in human clothing. Thank you, TB.
And then, there is Tracey from sweetney, whose gift of music I am listening to right now. Our tastes in music are at times so bang on that it's kind of creepy, and then at others she completely surprises me with something I wouldn't normally listen to but find myself sticking on repeat for twenty minutes. It's a slice of musical fresh air. Tracey Tracey Bo Bracey Banana Fanna Fo Fracey Fee Fi Mo Macey Tracey! (That means thanks, by the way).
Have I missed anyone? If I am missing anyone, please remember that my head was only recently dislodged from my alimentary canal.
I am truly thankful. Truly. People are not always sociopathic robots with crossed wires. Sometimes they are thoughtful and sweet and remind me that I, too, can be thoughtful and sweet. We can spread this shit around, people.
So, I reached out to a co-worker, because she looked sad, and you know what? She was. And she said that she was so happy that I had acknowledged her. And she smiled genuinely for the first time in days.
What goes around comes around.
I think that I just might be nice tomorrow, too. Mm hmmm.
** I later went and picked up some hazelnut-flavoured coffee cream, because even if I had very little right to be so grumbly, there's no reason to go around drinking disgusting coffee if I don't have to.