#553: WHERE THINGS ARE AT
- A great number of you are very awesome indeed, because you were so nice to me over the last few days. Thanks so much for being so supportive, even when there's nothing officially wrong with me yet.
- I have been taking 5-HTP for my depression/anxiety issue, and so far, I quite like it. I have been taking one low dose of a 50mg pill every evening, but even that small amount is helping me to sleep through more nights than I spend lying awake and cursing the dark. More sleep means that I am capable of being a little more logical and am less likely to weep over my own unloveableness and to use potato chips as emotional mufflers.
- Despite getting more sleep, I am still having irritable/depressed/lost-in-my-head periods, but those seem manageable for the most part.
- Although, if you just heard how I ended a telephone conversation with the Palinode, you would tsk-tsk me and tell me to smarten up.
Palinode: So, I really have to get going. I've got work to do.
Schmutzie: Sounding snappy. Don't always say goodbye the same way.
Palinode: Long pause. Um, I'll say goodbye how I like.
Schmutzie: Suddenly realizes that things aren't making sense anymore but forges ahead regardless. I feel like I'm being dismissed, like you're trying extricate yourself from the phone call.
Reason, sweet Reason: Hello, Schmutzie? Are you still there? That's what goodbye IS. It means auf wiedersehn, I have to go do other things, it's been nice, see ya. Sheesh.
Schmutzie: Feels like a jerk. Oops.
So, um, yeah, I'm still a bit bruised-fruity oversensitive on occasion, especially when I haven't slept well, and by "a bit", I of course mean "unreasonably and ridiculously". I may up the 5-HTP to two pills a day, because saying goodbye over the telephone should not serve double-duty as a case study in abandonment issues. Who could be mean to this face?
- I have not yet heard from the gynecologist about when my appointment is regarding my cervical abnormalities. This just makes me want to drink. Perhaps I can add this worry to my list of justifications for being so touchy.
- Because I am feeling defensive today, I am going to add to my justifications for my recent poor behaviour that I have my period right now.
- I bought new deep brown corduroy pants yesterday, and it turns out that I have gone down one size. I actually thought that I owned stupid clothes with bad drape, but it turns out that I own alright clothes that would probably drape decently if I rediscovered the five or ten pounds I lost. If you happen to come across my lost pounds, tell them that I moved and left no forwarding address.
- I am still completely lost in love with my new polaroid camera, as evidenced by the earlier shot of the Palinode and the following shot of this man:
- I have decided to take part in Fussy's National Blog Posting Month. Why? Because I have tried to complete NaNoWriMo twice, did not meet my quota both times, and then abused myself emotionally for my perceived failure. The blog post per day required to complete NaBloPoMo is a goal that I can actually see myself achieving. Click on the button below so that you, too, can avoid this death for a little while longer with which Fussy threatens us: