#590: THE ELEVENTH HOUR
Okay people, this is the last day to VOTE FOR ME, "Milkmoney or Not, Here I Come", in the Best Blog category in the 2006 Canadian Blog Awards. I don't know when the polls close, so VOTE RIGHT NOW while it still counts. You do not have to be a Canadian to vote.
Do you need reasons to vote for me? Because I'm really pathetic today and am not above soliciting sympathy votes.
Reasons Why Schmutzie Deserves Your Sympathy Vote
- She has a headache.
- She has been told that she has highly abnormal cervical cells that the health system won't even look at seriously until February, and this makes Schmutzie a worried mess, because she imagines that her cervix is going to up and mutate overnight in order to better devour her insides slowly to "Ride of the Valkyries".
- When she woke up this morning, her tongue was so dark brown that it was nearly black. There is no explanation for this, aside from, of course, the evil cervix within. Or it could be all the coffee she drank yesterday. Or it could be a chemical reaction between the hummus and the cheese she ate last night before going to bed. At any rate, the condition is accompanied by bad breath.
- She lives with two cats who, in one fell swoop, decimated a three-tiered shelving unit and a stereo before she left for work yesterday. The shelves are now in a crumpled heap on their way to the dumpster, and the stereo just won't feel the music.
- She used to be kind of goth, and she has to live with it for the rest of her life. Think about that.
- She has to play a part in a murder mystery party after work, and this kind of thing pains her to the extent that she kept dreaming last night about rearranging and replacing her furniture in an attempt to alter the course of her future.
- She is campaigning at the eleventh hour only to place second or third in an internet blog contest.
See? This is so pathetic an attempt to gain your last votes that you are swayed to cast your ballot if only out of a kneejerk instinct not unlike the desire to save a half-frozen alley cat with missing body parts.
----------------------------------------I would like to extend special thanks to those who have promoted the Schmutzie vote: The Cheeseblog, Citizen of the Month, Fracas, Harper Valley, Lala Land, No Show Mo, Palinode's Palace, Sweetney, T.K.O., and Whaling Season.