1. It's Friday.

  2. Go cast your vote for me.

  3. I bought a new sweater last night with a button at the neck that is the size of the bottom of a styrofoam cup.

  4. I call it my European Knitting Magazine Garden Photo Shoot sweater.

  5. In a way, though, it's middle-ageish, and it makes me think that I should start carrying sucking candies wrapped in waxed paper in a purse like my grandmother did when I was kid.

  6. That would require that I buy some sucking candies and an actual purse to replace my black hemp satchel, though, and I already spent all of my money on my European Knitting Magazine Garden Photo Shoot sweater.

  7. It just dawned on me that someone around here is having issues with her impending birthday on December 29th.

  8. Thirty-three is in the first third of the thirties, but thirty-four tips over into the middle third, and this will put me squarely in my mid-thirties, which really doesn't mean a good goddamned thing, except that I find myself saying the weirdest shit, like Is that what the kids are into these days?

  9. I am starting to scare the bejeezus out of myself with this European Knitting Magazine Garden Photo Shoot sweater now. It's a slippery slope. Apparently, European Knitting Magazine Garden Photo Shoot sweaters lead to talking about the-kids-these-days and wanting too many cats and worrying about taking antioxidants and thinking that I need a pair of leather clogs to go with my European Knitting Magazine Garden Photo Shoot sweater.

  10. It's not that clogs are a sign of aging any more than doilies are, and I like clogs anyway, as long they're not worn with white or patterned socks and they are worn with pants long enough to cover your heels, and oh fuck.

  11. I am justifying clogs?

  12. I do this every year. No, I do not try to justify clogs on an annual basis. I freak out about my birthday. I have been doing this since I was five years old and realized my mortality while looking at the candles on my birthday cake.

  13. My father still remembers how I spent the rest of my fifth birthday crying in my room because life was short and death was real.

  14. I have lightened up considerably since then.

  15. No, I haven't.

  16. I am sick of pirates. The skull-and-crossbones are still cool, but pirates are not where it's at. When I think of pirates, I think of smelly, unhealthy men in various of stages of hair loss due to malnutrition. And they're squinty. And they dress bad. I don't see the cool there.

  17. I was thinking of pirates, because the Palinode called me and wouldn't shut up about pirates. He was going on about some play thing and pirates dropping from the ceiling and they could do this thing and that thing and pirates go yarrr and yada yada yada until I asked him to zip it. He loves that.

  18. When I was about seven or eight, someone told me that the gold earrings a pirate wore were currency to ensure that he was given a Christian burial. I thought that if I lived as a pirate, I would be rich, because I would steal their earrings and dump their bodies in the ocean.

  19. For a kid who was so sensitive to the mysteries of the universe, I sure was a cold-hearted opportunist.

  20. By the way, did you vote for me yet? I think this may be the last day to make sure people know how awesome I am.