Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

#286: HAIRY TOES, CUT FLOWERS, GROUND MEAT, OFFICE POLITICS, MUSCLE RELAXANTS, YESTERDAY, DRINKING WITH RED, AND SOME AMICHAI

I have been writing rather lengthy entries lately, so today will be easy to follow, with each separate idea kept short and to the point. Or at least I will give it a shot as long as I don't let my brain wander into some distant memory and mire itself in minutiae, as it is wont to do.

1. If I learned one thing today, it is this: don't where dressy thongy shoes to work if you are not prepared to take care of the hobbit hair on the tops of your big toes. It is unsightly. And hobbity. And so last season.

2. I have some flowers on my desk that I got from my boss. I really liked them at first, because I had missed the whole of Administrative Executives Week while I was away on vacation, and it was nice to be acknowledged after the fact. Now, I am remembering why it is that I normally don't like cut flowers. They die, they wilt, they smell either too much or not at all, the water left over in the vase is poisonous with plant food crystals which destroys its potability (not that I would ever think of drinking it, no, or sticking my pinky in it just to taste, never). I was initially drawn in by the insanely bright pink flower in the middle of the bouquet that nearly made my eyes water with its intensity, but now they are starting to look soft, like old lettuce, except for the damnable carnations, which I think are just glamorous looking weeds.

3. I decided at some point within the last year that I will longer eat ground meat. It was a sound decision based on articles about meat processing. I also decided about twenty-one years ago that I would never eat at B~rger King again. That was also a sound decision based on how disgusting I felt after consuming one of their burgers. I broke both rules today and ate a hamburger from B~rger King with fries and a cola for lunch. The "food" I ate is sitting like molten lead in my light-weight stomach. The pseudo bread and pseudo beef and artificially coloured vegetable matter have united as one to form a tremendous doorstop in my belly. Not eating B~rger King was one of the few life decisions I have ever maintained for any length of time, and now I have destroyed twenty-one years of gastronomical superiority in one fell swoop. All I have left to fall back on now is my decision of three years never to have to wear a uniform for a job again, which simply lacks the faux-ethical oomph of my no-ground-meat rule.

4. A co-worker has asked me if I own one of those jingly hip-scarves that bellydancers generally wear. I admitted that I didn't and that I really wanted one, and then I offered to make one out of office supplies such as paperclips and box clips for our next meeting. I have been warned not to offer too much extra here in case you get roped into doing tasks outside your job description too often. I fear that this is one of those times.

5. I just learned a second thing today: you know the muscle relaxants you are taking are really good when no amount of shitty office coffee, cola, and wake-up jaunts around the building..... No, what I have learned is that muscle relaxants are really bitter when you buy no name..... No, um, you shouldn't take too many muscle relaxants during a busy day at work, or, um..... I'm not kidding, as soon as I started writing about these pink pills I've been popping, my mind just sort of slid away on me. To keep it simple, I have learned that I really like these things, and maybe they don't make me the most proficient cubicle bitch that ever cubicled, but they sure do make me verb my nouns. Ha ha. Verbing my nouns.

6. Yesterday's entry is still less than twenty-four hours old, or so I'm told. It's not gold, and on it's length I'm not sold, but it's not all bad I've been told.

7. Looking back at number five, how smart is it to go out with Red after work for a pint of beer?


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"I Have Become Very Hairy" by Yehuda Amichai

Less Talking, More Isolation