Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

#368: CLICK ON THE GREY BLOCKQUOTES AND READ WHAT I TELL YOU TO

The Great Laziness of 2005 has overtaken me, or perhaps it is the Great Licking being perpetrated by Oskar all over my arms, hands, himself, and this keyboard, or maybe it's the Great Pre-Menstrual Crash that has me unwilling to communicate at length. Let's just call it the Great Lazy and Pre-Menstrual Crash (that Saw Much Licking) of 2005, because it's difficult for me to choose one excuse over another.

Amendment: Let's call this the Great Lazy and Pre-Menstrual Crash (that Saw Much Licking by an Actively Flatulent Cat) of 2005.

Oskar has gooey eye-boogers and his breath smells like cat food, both of which are complementary to the gas I can hear burbling in his belly. When you welcome other mammals into your home, they are always so much more than you could predict from your initial impression. Be impressed with my typing skills, as he has his teeth sunk into the heel of my hand. His sweetness knows no bounds.

Oh, right. The Laziness. The Premenstrual Crash. I have decided that you would do better to go read other people elsewhere, so click on the grey blockquotes and read what I tell you to. Really, I'm doing you a disservice by having gone on this long on my own, and I have a hot bath to retire to. To which to retire. Fuck grammar.

Oskar likes hot coffee. Seriously. And just now, he walked over to my mug, smelled its contents, and then tried to bury his delicious booty with the melamine tabletop. He may not be smart, but he sure is fuzzy.

Now go. Click on the grey blockquotes.

Some truths are hard (Oblivio):

Non-human friends are monsters; human friends are just friends. The give-away here is fur: only monsters are covered in fur.

Of course (Tricks of the Trade):
If you often do work with an electron microscope, glue a cat whisker (the kid your house pet routinely sheds) onto the end of a wooden stick. It's the perfect tool for, say, teasing apart thinly sliced floating epon sections when microtoming.

An employee of the underwear don will make with the laughter (Deron):
Now that I have assured you of the quality of your products and how attractively it shapes my genitals, I would like to discuss the issue I've had -- mainly that the latest package of underwear I purchased does not shape my dong appropriately.

The world can be a disgusting place (Fussy):
I'm sorry to tell you this, but my dog just took a big, wet crap there. You can still see a little bit of it clinging to the green blades just to the left of where you normally spread out your sack lunches and kick off your shoes at noon.

Let your love be obvious (Sweetney):
when mina sees joel under any circumstances she immediately screams his name excitedly, runs at him, and quite often unhesitatingly latches onto a leg in huggy-greeting fashion.

Dream a little lacklustre dream (Palinode):
I had a dream a few nights past that I was thirty-five years old. That's all I remember. I was thirty-five in my dream.

She reminds of the good things (kerismith):
Today I felt a weight lifting, I just forgot for a moment that I didn’t have to lift it all by myself.
The easily offended can cry about it elsewhere (Tony Pierce):
When your mom writes that she loves you and your president writes it and I write it, it's different to you, isn't it? Is that our fault or yours?

Sometimes, to take a step forward, you must take a step back: (Ftrain):
I'm getting so much spam. Hundreds of messages a day trying to seduce me by appealing to my darkest lusts and my greed. So I've gone back to basics.

Remarkable stairwells (elumine):
She asked me if I ever wore padding or helmets or athletic support; I told her I’d tried them before but had found them to be uncomfortable, conspicuous, and obstacles to the sensations I sought.

Something about this makes me happy (Grumpiest Girl):
I love inside pockets. I love them so much it's stupid. When I had my very first jacket with those inside beauties, I would put my little hands inside my coat to touch the pockets, sometimes stuffing them into those heavenly pockets with quiet jubilation.



"The Lazy Roof" by Gelett Burgess