Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

#336: ASHTRAYS AND LIGHTBULBS AND MAGNETS, OH MY!

I was sitting around the house yesterday, having taken Mondays off work until mid-September, thinking that this site should have some new content, that it should have something decidedly humorous or non-sensical or, well, something not heavy or depressing or woeful. I needed a pick-me-up to lighten my mood, and then it hit me. As an excuse to use my scanner for household items again, I decided to list some of the strangest gifts the Fiery One has given me. He can be a strange gifter sometimes. It's part of his charm. Ashtrays and lightbulbs and magnets, oh my!

Image hosted by Photobucket.comThe first item I will showcase is this orange ashtray. I have a thing for geometric objects, especially of the injection mould variety, and having been made aware of my love, the Fiery One purchased this beautiful orange ashtray for me. This scanned image does it no justice whatsoever (I am learning that scanning 3-dimensional objects does not always produce the best results). Part of my love of this gift is the fact that it is the exact same colour and quality of plastic as a much-missed rotary telephone that sat on my father's desk when I was a kid. Also, my dad smokes, so if you mash these two things together, my love for this ashtray makes some sense.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comAs you can see, I have recently learned that it is difficult to scan a lightbulb. Yes, that is a lightbulb in that picture, and to be more specific, it is a rainbow-tinted lightbulb. The Fiery One gave this lightbulb to me while we were dating in late 2000 or early 2001. I just had coffee with Politiko and Tahini Monkey this afternoon, and I started listing all the things that are so funny about my bringing out the lightbulb for the first time on Saturday night since I got it years ago. It's funny in light of my recent confessions:

  • It was a rainbow-tinted lightbulb,
  • it was hidden in my closet,
  • I brought my rainbow-tinted lightbulb out of the closet,
  • I was always told in Sunday School not to hide my light under a bush (dear gawd, I'm almost sorry for that one), and
  • I kept making this tall man at our party screw it into different sockets until I found the right place for it.
    The layers of symbolism are ridiculous. It took four-and-a-half years, but I think that has got to be one of the most appropriate presents the Fiery One ever gave to me.

    Image hosted by Photobucket.comTo your right, you will see a scan of a set of magnets that the Fiery One gave me. I believe these were another courting gift. The writing below Mr. Beefcake says: Because of BEEF, this man was awarded the title of "America's Most Perfectly Developed Man." I'm not much of a meat-eater, and beef usually creeps me out a little, so it's kind of fitting that I use these to hold up the vegetable storage information for our Tupperware Fridgesmarts. I wonder how old Mr. Beefcake is now. I wonder if he was a success with the ladies. I wonder if he found beef as constipating as I do. The look on his face seems to make a case for his being a little bunged up.

    I feel that I should balance things out and confess that I, too, can be a strange gifter. I made this for the Fiery One's return from a work trip once upon a time (and no, I was not six when I made it):

    Image hosted by Photobucket.com


    Had you entered that afternoon
    you would have thought you saw a man
    planting something in a boy's palm,
    a silver tear, a tiny flame.
    Had you followed that boy
    you would have arrived here,
    where I bend over my wife's right hand.
    - an excerpt from "The Gift" by Li-Young Lee


    P.S. The Fiery One and I ate a lot of beets last night, and now we're both peeing what would normally be a lovely tea rose colour. Of course, early in the morning when your brain has not started functioning at full throttle yet, seeing something the colour of tea rose issuing from your body is not lovely at all. Thank you for your concern. We've recovered emotionally and are drinking lots of fluids to take care of the rest.