Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

#644: IT'S A SNAIL'S PACE, BUT FORWARD I GO

I take drugs to make myself feel better.
I have been on them for three weeks, maybe four.
My doctor put me on this really low dose so that I could adjust to them more easily.
When she decided that it was time to raise the dosage, she wrote me another prescription.
When I went to fill it, the pharmacist told me that she would not fill a prescription for that particular drug before the previous one was finished.
As a result, I have been stuck taking this lower dose for an extra two weeks.
This means that it is taking far longer than is good for me to find out if this drug even works.
This also means that I have had to sit with this anxiety and depression for this much longer.
I really wanted to reach across that orange plastic counter and grab the pharmacist's white smock.
I wanted to punch her in the throat right where mine feels like it has had a chicken bone stuck in it for three months.
Instead, I smiled, thanked her for her time, and told I'd see her again in a couple of weeks.
Really, none of this is her fault.
She was just following rules that are put in place in order to protect us crazies from our own unreasonableness.
I ended up buying some green health drink instead and watching "Law & Order" and its various spin-offs until I fell asleep.

So, I've been knitting scarves.
The latest one is charcoal grey, rust orange, deep teal blue, and light lilac.
The colour scheme requires some apologetics, but it makes me happy nonetheless.
I am reading books again: Don Delillo's White Noise (masturbatory but good) and Irene Nemirovsky's Suite Française (bleak but also good).
Right now we are visiting with family and friends in Cosmopolis, being kind to elderly cats, eating rich food, and drinking tasty beer.
I bought a toque that makes me look like a thief or a fisherman.

Things aren't all frustrating or bad.
I am making the best of it.
I do wish that I were further along in my pharmaceutical journey, but I suppose that will happen soon enough.
I may start taking photographs again, which is a good sign.
And spring is coming.
The sun sure can patch up a lot of the crazy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to fix myself a chicken salad sandwich and watch a documentary.
I do hope it's not about factory farming.