#598: I WILL NOT KILL THE CATS, I WILL NOT KILL THE CATS, I WILL NOT KILL THE CATS

I have the flu. The Palinode has the flu. Our cats don't, which is sad, because they are assholes that make trying to recuperate at home more annoying than it would likely have been had we gone to our respective jobs and each hidden a puke bucket discreetly beneath our desk.

The following photograph is of the most annoying cat who has ever lived:

Onion in a bag

Do you see how Onion is inside a paper bag? He may look cute, but don't let that fool you. He is an asshole extraordinaire. Do you know just how loud it can be when a cat runs in tight circles inside a paper bag and tears at a paper napkin while a second cat hits the top of the paper bag repeatedly with his paws? It is VERY, VERY LOUD, and when you are still blowing small wads of pork out of your sinuses from a meal you ate twenty-four hours ago that happened to choose that orifice as its exit point last night, patience is at a minimum.

As a side note, I have a piece of advice for you: if you feel the flu coming on, do not eat greasy pork ribs, because they are not kind to your sinus cavities during episodes of violent upping of the chuck.

The Palinode is passed out, albeit fitfully, and I have been stewing for two days inside an increasingly unappealing terrycloth housecoat, so I am off to have a much-needed bath. When your cats are smelling you over like they do the day-old garbage bag by the door, you know what time it is.



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  1. The code for a text link:
    <*a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_canadian_blog.php">
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Post that link. It's the right thing to do.

Elan Morgan7 Comments