Recent things that got me down:

  1. The new kitty, who might now be bearing the name Douglas, used our closet as a litterbox, and used the protective bag from my wedding dress as litter.
  2. The other cat, Oskar, has an infected eye that is leaking yellow goo, and his second eyelid is disturbingly red.
  3. Vets cost money, and Oskar is a bum who refuses to work for a living. At least we get the satisfaction of forcing antibiotic jelly into his eye twice a day and rubbing it in with his eyelids.
  4. It took me over a month and four doctor visits to convince someone that, yes, my head is little more than a festering gourd of infection and does indeed require some antibiotics. Apparently what has had me exhausted, achy, red-eyed, and sniffly is sinusitis.
  5. Since when do eight little pills cost over thirty dollars?
  6. Our telephones and internet are dead. There is not even a crackling hum over the lines. No one knows why. The telephone people are coming around today to see if it's something outside our building, and if it isn't, then they are going to leave a note on our door telling us that they have to come back when we're home. I imagine that our Saturday will be spent waiting around for a telephone repairperson.
  7. I had to quit taking St. John's Wort, because I decided to go on the Pill, so I'm a little out of sorts.
  8. I have my period, and it hurts.
  9. Quite against my will, I was unable to smoke cigarettes for over five days, which meant that I was suffering from PMS, sinusitis, and withdrawal from both my mood stabilizing pills and nicotine all at the same time. This would explain why, when the Fiery One asked me on Tuesday evening if he looked alright to go to a play, I stated much too loudly, HOW WOULD I KNOW? I DON'T KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK LOOKS GOOD! PEOPLE ARE MOSTLY ALL A BUNCH OF UPTIGHT LOSERS ANYWAY! Sweetness and light, that is me.

I am beginning to feel much better now that the cat's and my health are being taken care of, my PMS is over, and I had a cigarette this morning on the way to the bus stop. Suddenly, the world was far less malevolent seeming and took on the freshness of, um, and took on the freshness of, damn, I've got myself into one of those sentences that has me reaching for metaphors, but I can't seem to stop it, so I'll say that the morning took on the freshness of a snappy head of iceberg lettuce, and you'll just have to accept that and move on, because without internet access in my apartment, I have to write, edit, and publish to this site over my lunch break, and there is little time for fussing over language.

Things I found myself being in deep like with this morning on the way to work:

  1. The crisp sound of dried leaves underfoot
  2. The garish yellow on lit-up plastic business signs that is supposed to convey come here, come here
  3. The fact that when the front door is sitting on the ground, mysteriously torn from its hinges, at the convenience store, all the customers behave more quietly and politely than usual
  4. The shade of blue that is the strip of tape around the bus stop shelter to keep people from walking into the glass
  5. Amy's (of Fannfare) fabulous package that brightened an otherwise physically and psychologically challenging week
  6. Douglas' front legs wrapped around my neck when I woke up and then how he stuck his tongue in my eye when I tried to move
  7. Thick, cotton underwear that feel so comforting on cold, grey mornings when I decide not to care about VPL (Visible Panty Line)
  8. The smell of the english toffee latté being bought by the woman in front of me in line
  9. Finding two packets of peanutbutter in my purse and remembering the Sunday brunch at which I stole them
  10. Wandering through the background patterns available at squidfingers and citrus moon
  11. Wonderbread packaging
  12. Peeing out all the water I've retained over the last several days
  13. Rembering what it was like to pet a wild mule deer's muzzle over fifteen autumns ago
  14. Sitting next to a construction worker on the bus stop bench and feeling natural next to him, as though we were comfortable old friends rather than tired strangers on our way to work