Success Story: I Got Over It, Grouped My Poop, and Fixed My Blinds

Once upon a time in October of 2012, the Palinode and I were in the second month of living in our first owned home. I was trying to feel a sense of pride at finally having arrived at some semblance of notable adulthood, but I was also experiencing heavy feelings of anxiety and fear, because you can't just put all your stuff out on the lawn and join the circus when you have a mortgage and own your own appliances.

In the midst of all of this coming-of-middle-age-ness, I was also rather pleased with having finally found a good living room furniture arrangement. I attempted to open my horizontal blinds to let the sun bathe my new accomplishment in beautiful light, but, instead of letting in beautiful light, my heavy, wooden blinds fell from six-and-a-half feet up in a stabby bundle of many pounds of stabbiness, gashing through my pants and several inches of my thigh:

my blinds stabbed me

And that is how I ended up in a one-sided grudge match with a weighty knot of wooden sticks and string that I shoved into the hall closet and refused to acknowledge for ten months.

I was looking at the scar on my leg the other day, though, and then up at my bare window, which has been showcasing my pantsless work habit to the office building across the street for almost a year, and I realized something: grudge matches are stupid and nobody wins them, especially the office workers in the higher floors across the street.

I went to the hall closet, made a deal with the blinds that they could go back up if they promised not to stab me anymore, and I got to work untangling that god-forsaken mess. I took out all 3,547 wooden slats — which played out like a lightly stabby, one-person round of Jenga (you can't take the stabby out of the blinds, it turns out) — I hoisted the mainframe back into the wall mounts, and then I spent over an hour deciphering the knots in an inordinate amount of string:

replacing the leg-stabbing horizontal blinds

I carefully threaded each of the 3,547 slats through 16 strings, because it takes 16 strings to hold up each board, apparently:

replacing the leg-stabbing horizontal blinds

And then, approximately two hours later, voilà!

replacing the leg-stabbing horizontal blinds

Why am I telling you this thrill-ride of a story about horizontal blinds, you ask? Because there is a moral to this story, of course, and that moral is this:

Holding a grudge against somebody or something to avoid dealing with your own responsibilities should never mean that you force office workers to watch you walk around in your underwear for ten months.

This story also has a directive, and that directive is this:

Pick one thing today that you have been avoiding, and put your poop about it in a group. You'll like yourself better.

My wisdom is hard won through personal experience, people, and I share it with love.

The End.