The External Supposed-Tos vs. The Internal Know-Hows

I have been feeling kind of like this bird, only a little less dead and with more eyes. I even have a fly on me. No kidding.

poor bird

I've been having motivation issues. Part of this is my native depression, but a larger part of this is my struggle with the external supposed-tos being at war with my internal know-hows.

In order to combat my motivation issues, I'm thinking of starting yet another daily project, because daily projects seem to be what keep me motivated over the longer term when I can't seem to bootstrap my own willpower, and, look, I realize that creating and then abiding by a daily project is an act of my own willpower, but I would like to be able to get things done without also having to create a compulsion-driven set of rules around said things. Is that too much to ask?

Yes, as it turns out after recent ruminations, it might be. Also? Even the question of change itself might be unnecessary.

The advice of all kinds of efficiency experts and business management pros and creative gurus has instilled certain prejudices in me that make me feel insecure about how I work. Where is my clean, white office with whiteboards and an adult fort in the corner for creative brainstorming and my five-year plan and my hip, young assistant in grandpa glasses and a v-neck sweater? The way that I function, though, which looks nothing like that, might not actually be the fault that they would have me believe.

Sometimes, the refusal to accept and work with your natural disposition is more of an avoidance tactic than it is a pursuit of personal excellence. If I stare at my style of getting things done as the problem, I don't have to solve the real problem of getting things done, which I can do if I just accept my natural way and go with it.

It is possible that there is not actually anything wrong with the way I work through tasks, even if I prefer to take more time with some things than others do and I don't prefer some of the things that would make me more money. I'm not necessarily the model of productive efficiency bound for higher wealth, but I'm probably happier than I would be if I were.

I might be a bit of a hippie, but that accusation is unconfirmed.

In other words, I am entirely capable of getting things done to my satisfaction, even if my methods are considered unorthodox, or even disordered. If you side with the experts, pros, and gurus, you could read this as apologetics for my refusal to change, but you could also read this as an argument for there being more than one way to skin a cat if the broadly approved method doesn't already work for you, if skinning cats is what you're into, that is, which really isn't cool, so don't be into that.

What I really mean to say here, in short and more concisely:

What works works. You can read the advice of all kinds of efficiency experts and business management pros and creative gurus, but none of it will be right 100% of the time, and a lot of them copied most of it from each other and altered it to meet their own message's needs, anyway, and you've just got to call bullshit when it doesn't work and go your own way.

Sometimes you've got to stop torturing yourself with the external supposed-to and just go with your internal know-how like nature intended. That is my professional opinion.

Now, I'm going to get shit done.

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