2. Sand the devil callouses off my feet so that they look less hoof-like in sandals.
3. Shave my legs. I have what we Canucks refer to as "insulation" going on, but I don't think anyone's going to be complimenting me on my luxurious fur in Laguna.
4. Find the business cards with my actual name on them, because, believe it or not, I have a name other than Schmutzie!
5. Practice my talk over and over until my voice cracks.
6. Try to rework my talk, because it takes ten minutes to get through, not the seven it's supposed to.
7. Fuss over writing a sentence that ends in a preposition, because procrastination by grammar worry feels productive.
8. Laugh at the men's deodorant in Shoppers Drug Mart. BELIEVE IN YOUR SMELLF:
9. Work on my word enunciation, because maybe I can fit all ten minutes into seven minutes if I speak really fast.
10. Go clothes shopping, because I am still wearing the clothes I bought for BlogHer '10.
11. Launder all of the things.
12. Feel like I'm marching headlong into old age while organizing my vitamins and allergy medication into a days-of-the-week pill organizer.
13. Investigate my suitcase for signs of cat urine, because Onion is an evil bastard who likes to thwart my travel plans.
14. Listen to the whole of Neutral Milk Hotel's "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" album at least three times, because repetition is my lorazepam.
15. Pick up American money at the bank.
16. Play dirty words in Scrabble to amuse myself enough to forget my travel anxiety.
17. Feel the old burn of the grudge I hold against my grandmother for that time she wouldn't let me play FUCK on a triple word score for many tens of points.
18. Place a panicked call to my hairdresser. Leave a panicked message when she doesn't pick up. Panic.
19. Practice gelling my unruly sideburns behind my ears.
20. Make both Onion and the Palinode wheeze with extra squeezes, because I'll miss them when I have to sleep without them in my hotel room. The other two cats are being pissants, so they can suck it.
21. Try to keep my cool about the fact that I get to room with the inimitable Suebob.
22. Make sure I have my itinerary handy, because I have to make my way through seven airports on this one trip, and I WILL NOT FAIL.
23. Write extra poetry in advance so that I can keep up with my #365poems project while I'm travelling.
24. Write a prayer tanka while waiting for the herbal anxiety tincture to kick in:
Remember your feet.25. Pack my suitcase.
They move on assuredly.
They know the way there.
They've borne you since your first year,
and bear what you cannot see.