Spooning Is Not a Choice

This cat. This CAT.

Onion, nap begging
Onion begs for naps with me. He tries to look non-threatening.

This is Onion, and he is normally a good cat. Playfully, I call him my boyfriend. Today, though, we are having a problem.

You see, there is one rule I am not allowed to break in our relationship, and that rule is that I am supposed to lie down and spoon with him for at least ten minutes every afternoon. If I don't, there is retribution. Losing several pairs of shoes and boots to his retribution has taught me well over the years:

failure to spoon with Onion = cat urine in my footwear.

I have been busy over the last week, though, and have thoughtlessly ignored our appointed nap times. I should have clued in when he destroyed my favourite yellow sneakers on Friday:

my socks and shoes
sniffles and woe

Onion's failure to speak English is a giant barrier to our communication, though, and I am apparently not as bright as I like to think I am, which has culminated in several hours of the following tonight:
  • Onion threatening me by hovering his butt over my shoes in the hall,
  • doing what I call "throat yodeling", which only serves to make our neighbours think that we while away our evenings torturing small animals, and
  • sneaking up beside me so he could hook his claws into my shirt, pull it through the arms of my chair, and yank all its threads out.
I have failed badly at napping, or so says my dwindling shoe rack stock. And my dwindling supply of non-tattered shirts. And my last nerve. The lazy part of me sees this as an opportunity for more sleeping in the middle of the day, but, because this situation is so ridiculous, the stubborn part of me wants to toss him my middle finger and refuse to let his attacks enforce daily napping. I WILL SLEEP WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT, CAT.

I'm running out of shoes, though, so I guess I'm off to spoon with my furry widdle mitten paws before I have to go barefoot.

Onion cools down
He's been giving me the crazy eyes all night. He controls everything.

What a jerk.

I am taking part in NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, which has me posting a blog entry every day throughout the month of November.