10 Things I've Considered Doing But Really Won't

yoga socks 1
  1. Conquering that thing where you knit the heel part of handknit socks, because they seem to work pretty well without heels
  2. Stitching things on pillows, because I stab myself too often and have no patience for hundreds of tiny stitches
  3. Practicing stealth so that I could be an undefeatable cat burglar if I wanted to be one, only I wouldn't actually become a cat burglar, because I'd suffer terrible burgling guilt
  4. Going white water rafting, because I like my body arranged the way it is
  5. Stretching and stretching every day until I am flexible enough to at least fake being a contortionist, because that would be a pretty brief and embarrassing deception
  6. Learning to like mushrooms in a gourmet kind of way, because they're fungus and kind of rubbery and are often grown in poo
  7. Trying heroin, because while I was a stupid teenager who romanticized addiction, I am now a sober 40-year-old who can see how stupid that is
  8. Taking naked photos of myself so I can look at my hotter, younger self when I'm eighty, because who wants their naked selfies leaked? Not me.
  9. Owning a pet duck names Charles, because I live in an apartment and I don't know if they can be litter-trained
  10. Inventing the waffle donut open-faced fruit sandwich, because I don't know what waffle donuts would entail, and I'm not really that big of a fan of cooking, but this might count as inventing it, right, so go me!
I am taking part in NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, which has me posting a blog entry every day throughout the month of November.