50 Things Adults Do

Geof on his phone
  1. Buy condos
  2. Enjoy quiet nights at home
  3. Vote
  4. Remember their nephew's birthdays
  5. Buy things in bulk
  6. Wake up early without an alarm clock
  7. Go to the dentist voluntarily
  8. Iron their pants
  9. Tell the best adventure stories
  10. Open bottles of champagne without grunting or looking like they're wrestling
  11. Worry
  12. Have a lawyer
  13. Eat kale
  14. Renew their driver's licenses
  15. Plan their pregnancies
  16. Pay taxes
  17. Follow the law
  18. Avoid fistfights
  19. Discern between love and lust
  20. Make their beds
  21. Have themed dinner parties
  22. Compromise
  23. Separate their lights and darks
  24. Leave their zits alone
  25. Save for retirement
  26. Landscape their yards
  27. Get excited about vacuum cleaners
  28. Know how to pick out good melons
  29. Manage their time
  30. Wear matched socks
  31. Buy art
  32. Have a linen closet with at least one extra set of clean sheets in it
  33. Face consequences
  34. Eat canapes
  35. Hire movers
  36. Parallel park
  37. Squint at the small print on bottles
  38. Plan their estates
  39. Take vitamins
  40. Don't worry too much about being judged
  41. Agree to disagree
  42. Network
  43. Know how to mingle
  44. Get colonoscopies
  45. Have a good set of dishes
  46. Play golf
  47. Have a credit card
  48. Know how to cook
  49. Get nipped and tucked
  50. Shine their shoes

I'm surprised at how many of these things actually apply to me and yet how foreign the idea of being a grownup still feels most days.

Five Star Friday's 203rd Edition Is Brought to You By William Gaddis

Things That Are Lonely