Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

Just Call Me Fatwife

ha ha ha

SCHMUTZIE: Wow. I got fatter in only two days. I hope you don't mind having a fat wife.

PALINODE: Not at all.

SCHMUTZIE: You answered that wrong. It's like you just agreed that I'm fat.

PALINODE: Oh.

SCHMUTZIE: See, you responded all wrong again. It supposed to be that I say I'm fat, and then you say I'm not fat, but that you would still love me if I was.

PALINODE: Oh, right. You're not fat.

SCHMUTZIE: That was very convincing.

PALINODE: Right, and I would still love you if you were fat, Fatwife.

SCHMUTZIE: Did you just call me fat?

PALINODE: No. I called you Fatwife. It's one word. In fact, it's your new name.

SCHMUTZIE: Really.

PALINODE: Yes. It has nothing to do with your being fat, though. It's just a name. Do you mind if I call you Fatwife?

SCHMUTZIE: Actually, yes.

PALINODE: It's sad that you don't like your own name, Fatwife. It's going to be hard to refer to you if you won't let me say it.

SCHMUTZIE: You're lucky I still love you as much as I do.

PALINODE: I love you, too, Fatwife.

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You know that parasitic infection that makes us like cats? Sometimes I think that's how marriage works.

Love,
Fatwife

Grandma's Hand

Christmas Broccoli