Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

How the Regina Police Came to Know That I'm Not Wearing Any Pants


Our heroine, Schmutzie, fidgets nervously this morning, visibly shaken after a stranger tried unsuccessfully to enter her home through the back door.

SCHMUTZIE: I need to report a guy who was trying all the doors in my building. He's gone now, though.

POLICE: What happened?

SCHMUTZIE: At first I thought he was one of my neighbours, because we share a snow shovel that's just inside my back entry, but he tried my doorknob several times over about five minutes.

POLICE: What did he look like?

SCHMUTZIE: He was of average build, average weight, average height, brownish hair, dark hoodie. He looked like everyone. I didn't get to see his face.

POLICE: I'll send out a broadcast for your area, and we'll be in contact if we need any more information.


POLICE: You're welcome.


POLICE: What can I help you with?

SCHMUTZIE: Will there be any officers stopping by or anything like that?

POLICE: It's not likely. Would you like them to?

SCHMUTZIE: No. I work from home, and I was just wondering if I should put on a pair of pants.



POLICE: Pants?

SCHMUTZIE: Yes. Will I be needing pants?

POLICE: Um, you should be fine as you are.

SCHMUTZIE: Thank you!


And that is how the Regina Police came to know that, while I do not see fit to wear pants while I work or even while I am under threat of break and entry, I will consider putting on a pair to greet one of their officers.

I am nothing if not respectful.

PantsWatch.com: When Procrastination Collides With My General Pantslessness

I Am Still Here