Onion, Thou Art Stalwart

Back in March, Onion was pushing his Wake Up and Love Me campaign, which involved scratching at our bedroom door during the night and early morning hours to get us to please touch him for the love of all things right and good. We pushed back with our We Shoot you In the Face With Water Bottles rebuttal, because we're heartless monsters who take joy in hosing down lovemuffins.

What have we all learned?

desperation 1

We have learned that Onion always wins.

desperation 4

Whether we exit the bedroom at 6 a.m. or at noon, Onion sees it as a direct result of his Wake Up and Love Me campaign.

"Oh, good! I got you up!" he thinks.

desperation 5

If the last six months have taught us anything, it is that Onion is nothing if not infuriatingly stupid persistent.

desperation 6

He is stalwart, even, in the face of our brutal neglect.

desperation 9

Jerk.