Schmutzie: Look at the toenails on my big toes.
Palinode: Do I have to?
Schmutzie: Yes. They're very interesting.
Palinode: [looks at my feet] What about them?
Schmutzie: Well, I think the nails on my big toes are eventually just going to fall off. Do you see how they look white down the center to about half way down?
Palinode: Yes. That's really gross.
Schmutzie: I think that's where they've lifted away from the nail bed. I bet if I stuck a little stick down there under my nail, it wouldn't even hurt.
Palinode: That is so disgusting.
Schmutzie: What if they fall off and they don't grow back?
Palinode: Do we have to have this conversation?
Schmutzie: What if they fall off but not all the way?
Palinode: [walks away, pointedly looking anywhere but at my feet] I'm going to be over here on my computer now.
Schmutzie: I bet it will be the most disgusting bloodless thing we've ever seen. Do you think I have a fungus?
Palinode: I don't want to think about that.
Schmutzie: Don't you like knowing that you could have sex with this later?
Palinode: [sighs audibly]
I share this conversation as a warning to those entering into long-term, domestic relationships. Approximately ten years down the road, you might still choose to have sex with the person who makes a point of showing off her revolting foot issues to you. It's true.
Isn't life a fantastic and unpredictable journey of discovery?