Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

Disgusting Toes And Those Who Might Have Sex With Someone With Disgusting Toes

gross toes

Schmutzie: Look at the toenails on my big toes.

Palinode: Do I have to?

Schmutzie: Yes. They're very interesting.

Palinode: [looks at my feet] What about them?

Schmutzie: Well, I think the nails on my big toes are eventually just going to fall off. Do you see how they look white down the center to about half way down?

Palinode: Yes. That's really gross.

Schmutzie: I think that's where they've lifted away from the nail bed. I bet if I stuck a little stick down there under my nail, it wouldn't even hurt.

Palinode: That is so disgusting.

Schmutzie: What if they fall off and they don't grow back?

Palinode: Do we have to have this conversation?

Schmutzie: What if they fall off but not all the way?

Palinode: [walks away, pointedly looking anywhere but at my feet] I'm going to be over here on my computer now.

Schmutzie: I bet it will be the most disgusting bloodless thing we've ever seen. Do you think I have a fungus?

Palinode: I don't want to think about that.

Schmutzie: Don't you like knowing that you could have sex with this later?

Palinode: [sighs audibly]


I share this conversation as a warning to those entering into long-term, domestic relationships. Approximately ten years down the road, you might still choose to have sex with the person who makes a point of showing off her revolting foot issues to you. It's true.

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