Disgusting Toes And Those Who Might Have Sex With Someone With Disgusting Toes

gross toes

Schmutzie: Look at the toenails on my big toes.

Palinode: Do I have to?

Schmutzie: Yes. They're very interesting.

Palinode: [looks at my feet] What about them?

Schmutzie: Well, I think the nails on my big toes are eventually just going to fall off. Do you see how they look white down the center to about half way down?

Palinode: Yes. That's really gross.

Schmutzie: I think that's where they've lifted away from the nail bed. I bet if I stuck a little stick down there under my nail, it wouldn't even hurt.

Palinode: That is so disgusting.

Schmutzie: What if they fall off and they don't grow back?

Palinode: Do we have to have this conversation?

Schmutzie: What if they fall off but not all the way?

Palinode: [walks away, pointedly looking anywhere but at my feet] I'm going to be over here on my computer now.

Schmutzie: I bet it will be the most disgusting bloodless thing we've ever seen. Do you think I have a fungus?

Palinode: I don't want to think about that.

Schmutzie: Don't you like knowing that you could have sex with this later?

Palinode: [sighs audibly]


I share this conversation as a warning to those entering into long-term, domestic relationships. Approximately ten years down the road, you might still choose to have sex with the person who makes a point of showing off her revolting foot issues to you. It's true.

Isn't life a fantastic and unpredictable journey of discovery?

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