Lightening Up, Scattershot Style

I have three hundred million things I want to write about, and I don't know where to start. I have pictures sitting in my phone of food I've eaten and people I've seen. I have notes stashed in my iPhone. I have notes stashed on my computer. I have mental bookmarks on thoughts and feelings floating around upstairs.

happy salt shaker
This is the happiest salt shaker I've ever seen.

I don't have any post-it notes anywhere, though, because I'm too disorganized to remember to buy post-it notes, and I would have a giant whiteboard covered in brain graffiti if I only knew where to purchase such a thing.

Internet, can you and me make a pact? I promise to buy post-it notes if you will remind to buy post-it notes at stoner o'clock (4:20) every afternoon. I don't get stoned at stoner o'clock anymore, because I am a straight and narrow sober person these days, but I do still like the look of 4:20 on a digital clock, and it reminds to slow down and have one. thought. at. a. time.

Anyway, this post is part of my effort to bring more miscellaneous twaddle to the internet. Really. I'm not kidding. I lost my way somehow and started thinking that every entry I wrote had to be smart and meaningful and inspired when some of my favourite entries out there are about the viability of cheezits as a main course option and the need for real pants to come back into fashion. In short, I need to seriously lighten up.

As part of my lightening up practice, here is a scattershot collection of some things I've been thinking about but have not stopped to write down over the last while:
  1. There is this immigrant family down the street, and they are just having their first experiences with snow. On my way to work the other day, the father was outside with his three- or four-year-old son quizzing some university kids on a sled about winter and snow and what to do in it. He wanted to know if they liked it. His son looked unimpressed and wrinkled his nose against the snowflakes.

  2. I need to eat more vegetables. My steady diet of peanut butter and cheese sandwiches is largely unsatisfying.

  3. I had my last shift at the shoe store on Wednesday, and leaving that last night brought up so much for me as I reflected on how much my life has changed over the last two years since I started that job. My confidence levels have increased ten-fold, I have quit drinking, and my freelance work has made working from home viable. I barely recognize myself from two years ago.

  4. The creamer in my coffee is this horrible flavoured stuff, because the store I stopped in at was out of normal cream. I keep reflecting on how it tastes like chemicals, and I wonder why the chemicals cost less than using decent, real food ingredients when the chemicals must have, at some point, started off as something real and have had to go through so much more processing. How are the less satisfying chemicals more economically viable than the bounty nature hath provided?

  5. I have found out that I am a terrible boss to myself. I ride my ass, I insult my work, I demand long hours with little recompense. I should tell myself to shove it.

  6. I sold a woman the same kind of winter boots that I bought for myself this winter, but she made it very clear that she thought I was lying about the fact that I owned them. She accused me of "marketing", and told me that I would have said I owned any boot she picked up. I had the strong urge to politely asked her to take her business elsewhere, but I didn't, because I think she was a crazy lady easily given to violence. I have little to support this theory, but I saw enough of the whites of her eyes to get nervous.

  7. I am pathological about not having the number six too closely associated with my life. I have no rationale behind this. I just hate the number six. I won't allow it in my phone numbers or addresses where I live, and I won't write tutorials with six steps. I will actually make up an extra step just to keep six out of the picture.

  8. I'm thinking of never watching television again, or, at the very least, not watching it for the next year. I would still allow myself to watch DVDs of television shows and Netflix and whatnot, but not commercial television, because I want to avoid advertising and the lulling effect of surfing and watching dreck after being lulled. Anyone else want to quit with me?

  9. I have much to say about the state of life blogging as I see it. MUCH. An essay is forthcoming.

  10. I also have much to say about how we see a lot of people pushing their own content online and not a lot of mutual support between writers. It doesn't mean that the support isn't going on, but it does mean that we don't see it going on, which can feel isolating and make the state of writing online look meaner and colder and harsher than it really is. It also means that those writers who would like more support are less likely to seek it if they can't see that it's readily available out there.

  11. I want to have more adventures. I don't mean big A adventures like climbing Everest or moving to a Nepalese monastery for three years. What I'm talking about is just going out and finding what I can find to do that I don't normally do, which really includes almost everything on the planet. I think I need to get out more is what's going on here.

  12. After over eight years of blogging, I've finally done the obvious thing and stuck an email subscription form up there in the sidebar. Hand, meet Forehead. Oh, I see you've met.

  13. I just noticed that I have ideas notes on my iPhone that make no sense, because I provided no context. For instance, what is up with this short list?
    Pirates
    Cleopatra
    Or how about this one?
    Sky Dome is a desolate wasteland.
    All domes are desolate wastelands.
    Why did I hate domes so much, especially Sky Dome? I've never been to Sky Dome. I feel fairly well disposed to domes now. I like domes. In fact, I've recently considered installing a small dome tent in my living room.

You find this all scintillating, I can tell.

I am using this list-making not only as a part of my lightening up practice but also as an avoidance device to put off confronting my cold apartment in order to shower and make breakfast and do laundry and carry on with the tedious bits that make life less smelly and uncomfortable. My old self might have embraced the aesthetic of smelly and uncomfortable, but not this self. Not this new and improved self!

Self, I say, hie thee to the shower and the coffee maker! Post haste!

Schmutzie, says Self, showering is not self-improvement. It's minimal self-maintenance. You should do something meaningful with your existence, like bring back the delightful 1980s colloquialism "boner", specifically the phrase "pulls a boner" used in reference to someone making a mistake or executing a bad idea. "Dude, you pulled such a boner" shall be brought into common parlance once again!

Self, I say, that is singularly stupid.

Schmutzie, says Self, would you say, if I did manage to resurrect the term, that I had "pulled a boner?"

Aaaaaaand scene.

You can see why I have problems, yes?