25 Places and Things Behind, Under, or Inside Which I Have Hidden

  1. behind doors

  2. under the pile of blankets and pillows in the makeshift cupboard under the stairs in my maternal grandmother's house, because it was nice to be in the middle of everything and yet so securely alone

  3. in several of my bedrooms' closets

  4. behind the curtains in my grade two classroom to avoid being caught stealing my teacher's happy feet homework stamp

  5. in the bed of a half-ton truck, pressed up against the closed tailgate, because I really didn't want my new friend's jealous girlfriend to find me with him

  6. behind the chimney on the roof of my parents' house while I waited for my Venusian parents to retrieve me

  7. down in the old cold cellar at my paternal grandparents' farm, because the day was so hot and dry, and the cellar's damp cold made me shiver

  8. inside a beige cubicle

  9. behind a large fan on the roof of my elementary school when a bully came a-knocking

  10. around corners

  11. inside over-sized pants and sweaters to keep people from looking at me

  12. inside more public bathroom stalls than I can count

  13. under a canoe at summer camp to avoid taking part in some team-oriented sporting event

  14. inside the bench seating in a Scamper camper

  15. behind the curtains at the front of a Catholic church I did not belong to while some kind of meeting was being conducted

  16. in my apartment

  17. on top of a pile of grain under an old wool blanket in a granary with my cousin

  18. in a stranger's robust garden while thieving carrots

  19. behind the secretary's desk at my parents' church when I was nearly caught abusing the photocopier

  20. inside the middles of clothing racks at Woolco

  21. on the floor of a Volkswagen Rabbit

  22. under many different beds

  23. up inside a poplar tree in my childhood backyard to get some respite from my little brother, who could not get enough of me when he was four

  24. in the back of an old fort that had been abandoned by my father and his brother some time back in the 1950s

  25. behind, under, and inside substance abuse

Bloody Hell! Shanan Is a Kicker of Many Asses!

The Man Behind the Schmutzie