Babies and Queens Decide Our Fates

My friend Mary had twins five weeks ago. Being that we live in different cities, I hadn't been able to meet them yet, so I grabbed a couple of coffees and hiked over to her house yesterday afternoon.

It turns out that five-week-old babies spend every waking moment, and most of their sleeping ones, squirming, sucking, stretching, and yawning, making picture-taking exceedingly complicated. I've got nothing on Anne Geddes.

Mary's twin #1, Josie
Josie

What further complicated my photography, though, was that all I had was my iPhone, and I had a wriggling Josie in my arms the whole time. I was rendered one-armed and jiggling.

Mary's twin #2, Jane
Jane

I was pleased to get at least one shot of one of them not looking completely ridiculous. They really are beautiful babies.

Mary's twin #1, Josie
Josie

Seriously, though? TWINS ARE INSANE. It was all poop, puke, food, and sleep in quick revolution, and sometimes all at once. Plus, it was hot and humid, so I think I sweat all over Josie. Sorry, kid.

Saskatoon street
Broadway Avenue in Saskatoon

Later, after sweating at Mary's and sweating down city streets and sweating at my parents-in-law's house, I decided to sweat at a pub over a few pints with friends one last time before leaving Saskatoon. They like me because I can render them as graphic novel characters.

Geof
Starcat

Sam
Sam

I really don't have much to say. I just want to show you pictures. You see, I'm still sitting in bed unshowered with mascara smudged down my cheeks trying to shake off this weird dream I had in which Eden Kennedy told me she was pregnant but didn't want to have the baby because the baby wasn't really hers but was actually a government implanted human-alien hybrid that was making it very difficult for her to continue her gruelling yoga regimen. I woke up just before she and I were going to make an impossible leap from a double-decker bus to a rooftop in London, England. She was wearing this t-shirt:

Geof's t-shirt
Starcat's t-shirt

Anyway, back to last night. After I turned everyone into graphic novel characters, I checked my e-mail, because I'm married to my iPhone and I am missing the Palinode something fierce, because he didn't come with me on this trip to Saskatoon. Luckily, he writes fantastic e-mails:
Now that you've left me all alone, I have nothing but my movies and my tea. On the plus side, I bought some new contact lens solution today at the Shoppers in the Cornwall, and it came with - wait for it - a contact lens case and a coupon for 50 cents off my next purchase of Renu No-Rub Fresh Lens Formula Solution. After last night, I value my contact lens solution. Why? Because I had no solution and put my lens in water. Have you ever soaked a contact lens in tapwater overnight and then stuck it in your eye? The lens grips your cornea and sucks every last molecule of moisture from your eyeball. Fortunately it left my vitreous humor, which was nice. A nice lens, sensitive to my situation and responsive to my unique needs. I have unique needs.

Speaking of my unique needs, could you stop in at McQuarrie's tomorrow and pick up some Tangiers Lemon White tea?

Anyway, while you were gone I drank some tea and watched Demon Seed with Julie Christie. A scientist creates a synthetic intelligence named Proteus IV and the first thing it does is cure leukemia. Then it gets bored and decides that it wants a child, so it holds Julie Christie hostage and basically badgers her until she agrees to have its weird mutant baby. Now at least I know the key to winning a woman's heart: persistence, a disembodied voice and total control over a household's automated systems.
I swear, before the Palinode, I was just muddling through life.

bathroom graffiti
graffiti in the women's washroom at the Yard & Flaggon

I am a long-time fan of the graffiti in women's washrooms.

bathroom graffiti
more graffiti in the women's washroom at the Yard & Flaggon

At one point last night, it seemed perfectly reasonable to decide our collective fate by tossing a loonie (that's a Canadian one-dollar coin). It fell Queen-side-up, so Starcat yelled "The Queen's a lush!", and we all ordered more beer.

the Queen's a lush
The Queen's a lush!

I drew the Queen onto the photo, because it was too blown out to see her. She has a much nicer nose in real life.

1516
1516 is a new favourite of mine

Before we knew it, the chairs were up on all the tables, which is the international sign for Get The Hell Out.

Geof
Starcat

We did get the hell out, because we are polite like that, and we walked our ways home in the middle of the night.

Drew
Batty

My peoples, they are good. Le sigh.