Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

It's No Joke. God's Handiwork Is On Me. My Pasty, Round, Mennonite Cheeks Say So.

I just received a new message in my StumbleUpon inbox, which is one of a couple from the same person, who I will say looks like this, whether he does or not, because he is irritating me:

photo credit: "Geek" from Pipe Apple

Said irritating person's message was, and I quote, directly and without correction:
Look at ur beauty and contemplate on it, this is not a joke, it is god handiwork on you, you are so blessed with a wonderful structure and may almighty God always protect you and i want you to know that u are a lady of great virtue and i really understand ur integrity, u want to protect ur honour and uphold ur dignity my heart is always glad whenever i see u are a lady i really have a great enthustiasm for and ur exotic look has caused a great temptation to my soul am confused i cant restrain my hungry eyes from u because u have bring a cheering moment to my life. I will be glad to hear from you. pls i want to ask you if you can give me your email adress.

And the reply over which I hovered before deleting and ignoring it like a smart person reads as follows:
Dear Creepster Creeping On Me Via StumbleUpon,

As much as I am flattered that you think my wonderful structure is a sign of god's handiwork on me — it is actually thanks to my Mennonite heritage plus many healthy rounds of carb binging — and I am flattered that you can't restrain your hungry eyes from me — try a simple blindfold, please, because forcible restraint of the eyes sounds painful — FOR JEEBUS' SAKE, NO.

The position for which you have applied has already been filled by someone who knows how to find my e-mail address.

I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavours.


I hope this doesn't further confuse him if he finds this entry. I know that the great temptation I have stirred in his soul already has him in such a tizzy.

Me at MamaPop: 10 Videos I Can Totally Get Behind

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