It's No Joke. God's Handiwork Is On Me. My Pasty, Round, Mennonite Cheeks Say So.

I just received a new message in my StumbleUpon inbox, which is one of a couple from the same person, who I will say looks like this, whether he does or not, because he is irritating me:

photo credit: "Geek" from Pipe Apple

Said irritating person's message was, and I quote, directly and without correction:
Look at ur beauty and contemplate on it, this is not a joke, it is god handiwork on you, you are so blessed with a wonderful structure and may almighty God always protect you and i want you to know that u are a lady of great virtue and i really understand ur integrity, u want to protect ur honour and uphold ur dignity my heart is always glad whenever i see u are a lady i really have a great enthustiasm for and ur exotic look has caused a great temptation to my soul am confused i cant restrain my hungry eyes from u because u have bring a cheering moment to my life. I will be glad to hear from you. pls i want to ask you if you can give me your email adress.

And the reply over which I hovered before deleting and ignoring it like a smart person reads as follows:
Dear Creepster Creeping On Me Via StumbleUpon,

As much as I am flattered that you think my wonderful structure is a sign of god's handiwork on me — it is actually thanks to my Mennonite heritage plus many healthy rounds of carb binging — and I am flattered that you can't restrain your hungry eyes from me — try a simple blindfold, please, because forcible restraint of the eyes sounds painful — FOR JEEBUS' SAKE, NO.

The position for which you have applied has already been filled by someone who knows how to find my e-mail address.

I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavours.


I hope this doesn't further confuse him if he finds this entry. I know that the great temptation I have stirred in his soul already has him in such a tizzy.

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