I'm So Freaking Funny :-D

C [co-worker]: Where is my boyfriend? I've been waiting to see him for days.

Me: I don't know. Have you tried calling him?

C: I just said "I can't wait to see you. I miss you so much sad face".

Me: Wait. Did you just speak an emoticon?

C: What?

Me: Did you just say "I miss you so much sad face?"

C: Yeah.

Me: Were you calling him Sad Face, or did you just speak an emoticon from a text you sent him?

C: Um, maybe?

Me: No, it's hilarious! I think we should do this now. Let's make it a thing. "I just bought the perfect pair of jeans smiley face."

C: Shut up.

Me: "My boyfriend and I just had a fight pointy eyebrows squiggly mouth".

C: No, really. Shut up.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry sad face. I didn't mean to make you mad tongue sticking out.

And yet, somehow, I lived.

Stoli or Not, I'm Done with This Winter Thing

Me at MamaPop: Two of the Oldest People in the US, Mary Josephine Ray and Daisey Bailey, Die Within Hours of Each Other