I'm Feeling Pleasantly Grown Up

Even at 37, I still often wonder how the hell this kid ended up parading around in a grown-up person suit. You know what I mean? Yeah, you know what I mean. You're still that eight-year-old who laughs at fart jokes until the fact that you're a middle-aged adult in a business meeting smacks you upside the head.

What made me feel very grown up today is kind of ridiculous, but it's the kind of grown-up thing that, for some reason, gives me deep satisfaction, unlike that business meeting, which often just makes you wonder just how much of a wise-ass God actually is.

Instead of keeping my toilet paper rolls in their original crinkly plastic wrapping next to the toilet, I took them out and stacked them in a tidy fashion in the cupboard.

This probably means that I am Very Mentally Ill.

toilet paper

Ever since I moved out at the age of 19, I have kept my toilet paper rolls in their original wrapping next to the toilet due either to space constraints or to laziness, and it has always annoyed me. I don't like the way the plastic crinkles or the way it looks unruly or the way that it's just there, hitting my legs or getting swamped in the overflow when the toilet plugs up.

A couple of days ago, I realized that our move into a roomier apartment with a roomier bathroom meant I didn't have to live that way anymore, and I stacked them in the cupboard. I surveyed my good work and was so proud of myself that I even dragged the Palinode into the bathroom and indicated my toilet paper roll stacking talent with a sweeping gesture.

"Look," I said, running my hand along the cupboard like a woman on The Price Is Right. "Doesn't it look so grown up and tidy and Martha-Stewart-y up there?"

"Yes, it does," he said.

He is very good at humouring me. This might mean that he is also Very Mentally Ill.

And? My margarine tub lid would like to wish you a happy weekend. I told it to stop simpering like that, but it just refuses.

margarine lid

What makes you feel surprisingly grown up?


Let me introduce you to Schmutzie.com's latest sponsor: Flourish In Progress: Chronicling a year outside the mall. When Elizabeth turned 30 recently, she concocted a 30th birthday project for herself. She "...decided to do away with the needless spending and see what... happens to life outside the mall" for an entire year. That's right. SHE IS NOT GOING TO SHOP FOR 365 DAYS. I don't know that my closet could hold out, but I wish her and Flourish In Progress well as she records what happens. Enlightenment? Mental collapse? Only time will tell.


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