Man, Does My "Shlop" Ever Twist The Underwears

Dear Anonymous:

I sincerely apologize for subjecting your helpless eyes and mind to my April 2007 weblog entry "A Litany (Oh Gawd, the Hormones)", because it obviously upset you in light of recent world events:

...and I started my day by reading this shlop [sic] ..? More than 100,000 people have died in Haiti, children have had their legs amputated with hacksaws and across the ocean USA military personnel are risking their lives to preserve our way of life...

Admittedly, what I wrote was pretty schloppy, and if I am going to be writing such superficial and self-important crap almost TWO YEARS before a major catastrophe like what just happened in Haiti, I should take into account that the experience of my own life means nothing in the face of the fact that other things happen to other people at other points in history.

I should also take into account that this website's readers are inextricably focused on my vapid complaining for the duration of any particular entry, because my words are like super-powerful electromagnets, and that I somehow rob the reader and people in other circumstances much worse than mine of something or other and force the reader to spend precious extra minutes commenting on my schloppiness.

My bad.

I hope that your unremitting focus on this tragedy, minus the valuable time I so thoughtlessly stole from you while you were saving Haiti by surfing the internet, makes your tsk-tsking that much more satisfying.

In the future, I will make sure only to write about matters of great importance two years before these matters of great importance actually happen. Do you know the name of a good psychic with whom I could consult? It would be very helpful.

Appreciatively yours,

Me at MamaPop: Captain Obvious Strikes Again! John Edwards Finally Admits That the Kid Is His

Neil Kramer of Citizen of the Month Talks Up the Canadian Weblog Awards