In Which The First Day Of My 30 Day Shred Results In Some Face Punching

Today was the day I had set for myself to start my pact with Satan Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. Actually, yesterday was really the first day I had set for myself to get myself moving, but things came up like cheese and crackers and running out to buy cat food and napping. Napping is very important. So is cheese, especially when it's morbier.

I finally got around to putting in the DVD later this morning. I put out my exercise mat and the 2-pound hand weights, stopped to take pictures of my smooth but oh-so-pliable midriff, and then started my first workout with Jillian.

Day 1 - the Shred

It pretty much kicked my sweaty, sad ass, which really did look sad, because, due to the fact that I'm working out in my living room, I've decided to forgo the extra cost of workout clothing and instead sweat out the last 21 years of inactivity in a pair of old cotton underwear and a bra with a broken clasp. Be thankful for that pre-workout picture.

At one point, I was flat on my back raising and lowering the hand weights. The right one felt weird every time I raised it, so after a few lifts, I looked over to see what was happening. There was Onion. Every time I lowered the weight, he put his nose on top of it, and every time I lifted the weight, it punched him in the face.

Lower. Sniff.

Raise. Punch.

Lower. Sniff.

Raise. Punch.

It happened about ten times before he figured out how this bashing-in-the-face thing kept happening. Lest you thing me a terrible pet owner, Onion's a slow learner who would have revisited his exercise in face bashing tomorrow if he hadn't figured it out through trial and error today. He's special that way.

After he learned to stop sniffing the hand weights, he contented himself with licking my legs during cardio (he sustained a few kicks to the butt) and my stomach during ab work (he got a couple of boobs in the eye) for the last five minutes of the 20-minute workout. Mmmm, sweat. It is apparently worth the subtler abuses.

Onion loves a hand weight

Despite his gross mistreatment, Onion still loves a hand weight.