Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

A Word Of Advice

pistachio shells


The Palinode came home with a bag of jalapeno-flavoured pistachios this afternoon. I have a taste for heat, so I tucked the whole bag in beside me in the armchair and snacked on them while I made it through some of your updates in Google Reader. The flavour wasn't all that remarkable, but they were pistachios all the same, so I just kept shoveling them in one after the other.

I am really particular about the way I eat pistachios. I have to suck all the salt off the outside of the shell, then I take the nut out of my mouth and break open the shell with my fingers, then I eat the meat inside, and then I suck on the shell again, working out all the salt from the inside of it with the tip of my tongue. It is a very involved process, one that requires a lot of care and attention. It is also very meditative, which means I end up not keeping track of how much I've eaten, which is how I ended up yelling:

"Ow! Goddammit!"

The tip of my tongue was suddenly stinging viciously. I checked the old coffee mug I had been throwing the shells into, and sure enough, it was full to the brim. I had eaten half the bag of pistachios and literally worn down the end of my tongue. No wonder I felt queasy. I closed the bag of nuts and went back to reading. Before too long, though, I was yelling again:

"Ow! Goddammit!"

This time it wasn't my tongue that caused the outburst. My nostrils were on fire.

A word of advice: if you've been eating jalapeno-flavoured pistachios, don't absentmindedly pick your nose before you've washed the jalapeno powder off your fingers.

Another word of advice: don't stick any of those fingers with the jalapeno powder on them back up your nose to investigate the cause, because it really freaking hurts.

It's, Like, All About Me

Grace In Small Things: Part 106 of 365