A Word Of Advice

pistachio shells


The Palinode came home with a bag of jalapeno-flavoured pistachios this afternoon. I have a taste for heat, so I tucked the whole bag in beside me in the armchair and snacked on them while I made it through some of your updates in Google Reader. The flavour wasn't all that remarkable, but they were pistachios all the same, so I just kept shoveling them in one after the other.

I am really particular about the way I eat pistachios. I have to suck all the salt off the outside of the shell, then I take the nut out of my mouth and break open the shell with my fingers, then I eat the meat inside, and then I suck on the shell again, working out all the salt from the inside of it with the tip of my tongue. It is a very involved process, one that requires a lot of care and attention. It is also very meditative, which means I end up not keeping track of how much I've eaten, which is how I ended up yelling:

"Ow! Goddammit!"

The tip of my tongue was suddenly stinging viciously. I checked the old coffee mug I had been throwing the shells into, and sure enough, it was full to the brim. I had eaten half the bag of pistachios and literally worn down the end of my tongue. No wonder I felt queasy. I closed the bag of nuts and went back to reading. Before too long, though, I was yelling again:

"Ow! Goddammit!"

This time it wasn't my tongue that caused the outburst. My nostrils were on fire.

A word of advice: if you've been eating jalapeno-flavoured pistachios, don't absentmindedly pick your nose before you've washed the jalapeno powder off your fingers.

Another word of advice: don't stick any of those fingers with the jalapeno powder on them back up your nose to investigate the cause, because it really freaking hurts.