Friday The 13th Was Full Of Woe, Despite A Lack Of Superstition

cracker and cheeses 1


I am not superstitious about Friday the 13th. I had a friend in elementary school who would not go to school on that day. Relatives of my mother didn't make it to a family reunion one year because of it. I always sort of liked it in my OCD kind of way: the word Friday has a good feel to it, and 1+3=4, four being one of my favourite numbers.

Despite my lack of superstition, today managed to kick my ass. No sooner was I awake than my bowels decided to expel every last thing I ate yesterday unmarred by any form of digestion. It was just as disgusting as it sounds. Then the chills set in, the clammy sweating, and a runny nose. That was just the beginning.

On a day when I had two articles due that both required the internet, my internet connection struggled, crashed, and then struggled some more. Typepad decided that it was difficult to load pictures or place them properly within an entry.

I ordered in a small pizza and tried to make a quick run down to the laundry room, but I forgot my keys in the apartment. I padded around the hallways in bare feet and braless, knocking on doors until I found a little girl who was also home sick who let me use her telephone to call our landlord. The pizza arrived before the building caretaker did, so my unshowered, free-boobed, sick self got to stand around in the hall chatting up the pizza guy in the most awkward way until I could get my wallet out of the apartment to pay him. My small bottle of biodegradable laundry detergent did nothing to obscure the fact that my D-cups were swinging free and easy.

Back inside the apartment and just as I was relating my day over the telephone to the Palinode, I stepped in a pile of cat vomit.

Other bits of my choice day were as follows:
- I accidentally rubbed some salt that was stuck to my finger into my eye,
- I burned my tongue on hot coffee,
- I stabbed my belly button with a safety pin,
- my cell phone refused to send my pictures from Las Vegas to the internet,
- and cat #2, Onion, got his claws stuck in my thigh.

I was done with today by ten in the morning, so I'm ending it with cheese, crackers, and beer. I've earned it.