Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

20 Things I Hate

I am not at my best today. I am having one of those days where nothing seems to go right. I ran out of toilet paper. I burned my mouth with hot coffee. I couldn't fall asleep despite how freaking tired I am. It's one of those days when it feels like reality is conspiring against me just to see how far I can pushed toward the homicidal edge.

20 Things I Hate

  1. I dropped my spoon on the floor and cat hair stuck to it.
  2. I am itchy in several places all at once, and they keep shifting around, which means that I can never scratch all of my itches to any degree of satisfaction.
  3. My cat, Onion, will not stop licking my water glass, which would make sense if he were trying to drink my water, but he's not. He just likes to lick smooth, cold things.
  4. Ibuprofen mostly kills my headache, but it doesn't knock me unconscious.
  5. I have a huge, boil-like zit growing under my right eyebrow that feels like a fresh bruise whenever I have a change of facial expression.
  6. I am fantasizing about pulling every last whisker out of Onion's face, because he will not stop staring at me.
  7. Hayrides are a stupid excuse for a social activity.
  8. When I pointed a camera at him to capture his vacant, stupid stare, Onion stopped licking the water glass and tried to lick the camera:
    Fecking Idiot Cat
  9. I want greasy ripple chips with cream cheese dip.
  10. Newscasters go on and on and on about minute details that they can only see on footage from a distant aerial view of a firetruck, and somehow the television station thinks that I want to hear this babble more than I want to watch the episode of "Law & Order" that they interrupted.
  11. The light switch shocked me so hard that I felt it all the way to my elbow.
  12. Somehow, the hair on my head is managing to feel irritating.
  13. If I hate the telephone as much as I think I do, I should just cancel my land line. That way, I could skip the whole process that I go through several times a day of hearing the telephone ring, waiting for it to stop, and cursing out whomever hated me enough to dial our number in the first place.
  14. Pencil moustaches are unnecessary displays of lameness.
  15. Thomas Kincade's paintings are way too precious to stomach.
  16. I lash out at innocent bystanders like Thomas Kincade when I'm raging.
  17. I have a headache in my face.
  18. I can't see clearly, because the lenses in my glasses are scratched all to hell.
  19. My lenses alone cost approximately $250. Damn my blindness.
  20. Health advice for women over the age of 35 makes me feel far too long in the tooth.

What I have realized during the making of this list is that I am wealthy enough to have spoons, pets, running water, medicine, cameras, a television, a telephone, eyeglasses, and have access to health care, which are not things that most of the world's population can expect, which means it is quite possible that I am a terribly petty and ungrateful complainer. I also have hands with which to scratch itches, while the handless have to make do with their feet and furniture edges and maybe really smart helper animals. That's something.

Grace In Small Things: Part 55 of 365

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