Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

Twenty-Five Things I've Actually Stolen

I borrowed the basis for the following list from something I saw at Elkit in Wonderland. Most of the items on that list were less stolen and more experienced to increase joy. The items on my list? All actually stolen. Because I am a petty thief. Or something.

  1. I picked dandelions from my neighbours' lawns and presented them in a bouquet to my mother.
  2. I took the stationery from a hotel room in Edmonton, Alberta with no intention of writing letters on it.
  3. When I lived with my parents, I pocketed extra packets of raw sugar from restaurants, because my mother only kept white sugar at home for coffee.
  4. When I forgot my bag of clothes to bring to a clothing swap, I still managed to leave with a sweater.
  5. I secreted into my luggage a vintage greeting card with a baby wearing a sash that read "Happy New Year!" on the front from my grandmother's collection.
  6. I took the tiny lightbulb that flashed during fire drills out from under its red glass globe in a girls' dormitory.
  7. I took a photograph of a famous painting in an art gallery.
  8. A man came by the pub with a kitten that he was trying to trade for beer money, and I walked away with her, promising to come back from a bank machine with cash, and never returned.
  9. I took dead birds from a friend's yard and buried them in mine.
  10. I swiped an extra sample of a tasty beverage from a display table at Macy's.
  11. Innumerable cigarette lighters have found their way into my pockets and bags over the years after I borrowed them from others.
  12. A hippy offered me two willow bark capsules to cure my headache, and I palmed six more for later; it was a really bad headache.
  13. I used a friend's computer to look at porn without asking.
  14. I listened to an entire music album on the internet before I decided that I didn't like it enough to buy it.
  15. I signed up for a department store discount card just so that I could receive the free gift of a silver serving tray, and then I didn't shop in the store.
  16. Four fortunes were inside my one fortune cookie.
  17. I was briefly in possession of a wallet filled with hundred dollar bills that I was going to use to pay my rent, but then I returned it to its rightful owner and didn't tell him that his wallet had not only been lost but also temporarily thieved.
  18. I ate a crabapple off a tree that leaned out of someone else's garden.
  19. My roommate had bright orange nailpolish that I used on all my toes without asking.
  20. I once put pantyhose around quarters before I fit them into the slots so that I didn't have to pay to use the washing machine.
  21. I nabbed the footprints self-inking stamp that my teacher used to mark good work when she had her back turned at the chalkboard.
  22. I found myself suddenly desiring the pedestal that held up a pizza dish at a restaurant, which I unscrewed and kicked into my bag with my feet.
  23. I saw a purple bead on the floor in a bead store and then kicked it out the door with me so I could nonchalantly pick it up outside.
  24. I sat in a café and surfed on someone else's wireless internet.
  25. Books about serial killers that didn't sell and were set aside to be destroyed were too difficult to pass up, so I ended up gathering quite a collection of true crime books that were missing their covers.

50x365 #321: Christine

50x365 #320: Rolly