This person feels awful. I have spent three hours trying to figure out something else to say other than "this person feels awful", but that's it. I worked on variations that went like "this person feels really awful" and "this person feels awfully terrible". I even attempted replacing "this person" with "I" to personalize it, but I was not up to the task.
Then, my mind wandered, and I remembered that time when I was home sick with the flu and had mounted a little video camera on my bed's headboard.
The previous sentence does not lead anywhere dirty, unless cat butts get you worked up.
I had the video camera on my headboard trained on the cats while they were licking their butts, and I was broadcasting it on some video broadcasting thingy on the internet, and the people who ran the video broadcasting thingy on the internet were playing my live streaming cat-butt-licking channel on a large-screen television during a meeting. They made lewd jokes about my pussy (har har) and commented on my arm hair. Sweet folks.
My internet live streaming video debut was stellar.
I think that was also the day I threw up an entire serving of dry ribs through my nose because I saw this commercial filled with giant wieners (also not dirty):
Back to the deal at hand, though, feeling like crap is where I'm at, and so my creativity has not exactly been putting on fireworks. I grew so desperate that I tried a random writing prompt generator, which came forth with such gems as these:
I am going to leave that particular writing prompt generator alone for now. It seems far too eerily in sync with my life.
This person, me, with the aching head, perspiration, clogged sinuses, and another unsavoury symptom of which description you will be spared, is feeling like high quality she-it at the moment, but despite my physical ills, I have managed to tell you about my debut internet live streaming video, show you a hotdog commercial, and write answers to three writing prompts.
This, folks, is brilliance, pure and simple. Catch it if you can (and by "it", I mean my brilliance, off course, and not the nasty virus).