Orphaned Titles

I write most of my weblog posts using Google Docs. I find that it is the best way to create documents that I can pull up from any computer any time. It saves me from worrying about people finding the writing I do over lunch on a work computer or littering my mother-in-law's laptop in Cosmopolis with half-finished missives.

I have a problem, though. I open up new documents and give them titles as reminders to myself about the things I want to write but do not presently have the time for. I always believe that the title will be enough to clue me in on what was so important that I did not want to forget, and I am often wrong. Here are ten titles that I am sure have what could have been scintillating tales behind them:

  • I Once Went A-Bushwhacking: I must have, because I do not usually lie to myself when I leave mysef notes. I did not know that I was so woodsy.

  • How to Keep One's Mitts About Them: I wish I knew now what I knew then, because my mittens, they have all left me.

  • Green Bean Salad: A Sugar High with Vitamins: My mother makes a mean green bean salad, but I do not remember ever getting high from it. Maybe she knows something she's not telling me.

  • Truth in Advertising: As in, how there isn't?

  • The Cat Who Sang Canaries: I would like to trade Oskar in for that cat, because rather than singing canaries, he barfs up brown food juice on my dirty underwear.

  • It's All Teeth Out There: Ow! The world is sharp and pointy!

  • I Am Sure That Everything You Want to Know About Me Is Right Here on My Body: When I go to my first therapy session, I will just show up naked then. It will save me the trouble of having to explain that I wet the bed until I was seven and used to believe that meteors were direct messages from God to let me know that I was special.

  • Scott and the Improbable Three-Way: I barely remember the incident to which this title refers, but I do know that it did not involve a three-way. I'm sorry, Scott.

  • Things That Make Other Things More Funny: Did I mean something like how when other people bite the inside of their own face, I laugh? But when it makes food fall out of their mouth, I laugh harder? Because that is more funny.

  • I Remember Taking a Bus: I do! I do remember taking a bus! Wow. We have so much in common, me and I.
  • Do you have a stash of orphaned titles? If you do, tell me one of them. They write their own punchlines.

    I am a participant in NaBloPoMo 2008, a challenge to write 30 posts in 30 days during the month of November. "National Blog Posting Month is the epicenter of daily blogging!"