Today Is A Day For Sticking Pushpins Into My Eyes

Today is a day for sticking pushpins into my eyes.

I have occasionally wondered if it hurts very much to stick pushpins into my eyes through my pupils, because isn't it just space back there? Wouldn't I only be going through a layer of skin? Although, judging by this image, it looks like it could be quite nasty. I obviously do not know much about eyes.

Still, today is a day for sticking pushpins into them.

Why?

  1. The thermometer has dipped to new lows that I have only previously associated with Antarctica, and no, I am not being hyperbolic. When it was -52°C with the windchill, and then when the weather people stopped even bothering to calculate the windchill shortly thereafter, I decided that I would stay home yesterday instead of waiting at a bus stop to go to work. Even people in Antarctica would probably avoid the bus to work on a day like that.

  2. It is not the weather so much but that I feel all cooped up. I am imprisoned by nature. It oppresses me by severely limiting the amount of time I can enjoy outside without the burning sensation of frostbite somewhere on my person.

    Even being in another kind of room than my apartment, my cubicle, or the pub might be nice. Maybe I will go to see the Andy Warhol exhibit at the MacKenzie Art Gallery.


  3. I found a little wormy thing making its way across my floor. I think it is the kind that eats wool sweaters. What if there is a nest of them? Where there is one gross living thing, especially if it is tiny, there are aIways more gross living things. In fact, the tinier they are, the more of them there will be. I will surely die, but not before I do the thing with the pins and my corneas and the whatnot.

  4. I bought my morning muffin this morning, but I didn't realize that my usual chocolate chip had been switched for some bright pink, faux strawberry lump. Not good.

  5. Actually, on top of the muffin thing, nothing else has been working, either. My computer faked epilepsy this morning, my debit card would not work, I lost my bus tickets, and I found some unidentifiable slime stuck to my pants when I got to work. The slime had a bit of cool going for it, because it was really stretchy and gooey, but I do not even know if it was my own Schmutzie-produced slime, so its yuck factor was not redeemed.

  6. I am complainy today. I irritate myself a lot when I am complainy. And when I make up words because I am lazy. And when I struggle over whether I should veto contractions or not on this website. And when I start all these phrases with a capital-A And and pretend like they're sentences.

  7. I need to untwist my knickers. They are all catawampus.

Thanks for listening. Let me buy the next round. Waiter!



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Elan Morganlists12 Comments