The following entry is from the acting contributor, Abigail, who is stepping in today while I edit documents furiously offline. Hoorah!
After a night of drinking wine and eating cheese, watching reality T.V porn, playing with the juke box, followed by a truly amazing orgasm, I would normally just fall fast asleep.
But tonight, I just lay here in bed, full of energy, thinking about my current 'romantic' situation as the friend/fuck buddy. As I watch him drift off to sleep, I can't help but think about what life has in store for me, love-wise.
I have been burned bad, in the past. Not that I haven't doled out my share of the old heartbreak. However, the majority of the time it is I, who must take the blow that throws me into that deep dark pit of depression and self-doubt that envelopes all who romanticize everything and believe that in each new relationship, there is hope for life-long love and happiness.
I am quite enjoying not being a "girlfriend". I get to enjoy all the perks of singledom that I so love, but when I need it, and want it, I have that special friend on hand. I have someone to pseudo-date, to hang out with, talk to and laugh with and enjoy regularily scheduled sex. So far, this agreement is running along smoothly like a fine-tuned machine, and I don't see any major mechanical problems on the horizon.
My friends tell me that it isn't going to stay this way forever, comfortable, fun, no strings attached, and I need to be on the look-out for my old friend heartbreak ---but I like to think that I am not like most people and I can look after myself, thank you very much.
I guess that deep down, I know that they are right. They know me. They know that I am a hopeless romantic, although I don't normally show it to the masses. I daydream of finding someone who will provide me with fireworks, and adventure, passionate kisses in the rain and who is willing to hold my hair when I puke.
I want the Schmutzie and Palinode type of love. The type of relationship where you can be brutally honest and extremely comfortable with each other and be there for each other through thick and thin, truly enjoying each others company, all the while being hot hot HOT for each other all the live long day.
Who knows if that is what is in store for me, in the grand scheme of things. But until then, I will continue to enjoy the company of my non-boyfriend, my friend, and all the fun and great sex and just go with the flow of things.
And if anyone has a problem with that, then they can kiss my arse.