I am going to see my gynecologist today for my post-hysterectomy follow-up appointment, and I am completely nervous. Yes, completely. Even my toes are fidgeting. My skin feels like it is vibrating.
It is not that I am afraid that she is going to tell me that I have to have further treatments or that there is more cancer than they bargained for, because I would have heard of something like that several weeks ago. I am afraid that she is going to tell me that I need more time to heal. I don't know how all of this is supposed to go, but I am still tired, I can't stand or walk for long periods without my hips/stomach/lower back aching, and last night, I was spotting blood again. There was not a lot, just a bit, but apparently the place where my cervix used to be is not done healing yet.
It is not like I am itching to get back into my beige cubicle under fluorescent lights, but I do want to be given the go-ahead to return to normal life. I am impatient for this to be over. I am crossing my fingers that in two-and-a-half to three hours I will be walking out of her office with good news, because this waiting is not good for my mental health. If my brain were a dog, it would be one of those cartoon ones that yells YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! as it disappears into the horizon.