#736: Unthinkable Things Realized, Or Rather, Thinkable Things Realized Despite Their General Unlikelihood

simpsons sears ladies
The Ladies Of Sears Exhibit Breathy Fascination In Three Directions
(Sears Catalogue, Spring/Summer 1971)

  1. I have shaved my legs not once, not twice, but thrice in the last week. (Despite my near-sightedness, I have even managed not to slash my ankles or the backs of my knees, a feat in itself considering that I have not practiced shaving in the last ten months).

  2. I have started taking walks in order to work off this chowflap I've developed. (If chowflaps had the flashy accoutrements of breasts, it might be fun to dress it up in some sort of sequined halter, but alas, no, the chowflap is a lowly and largely unrecognized part of the human anatomy which is left to stifle in solitude beneath layers of clothing. Oh, the poor chowflap).

  3. I feel strangely optimistic today. (It has been so long since I felt optimistic that I wasn't even sure what I was feeling until the Palinode called me up and said I'm feeling strangely optimistic today. I just thought my coffee was extra good).

  4. Last night, I cleaned the cat litter, swept the floor, washed the dishes and put them away, rearranged the kitchen counters, changed the bathroom lightbulb, washed two load of laundry, organized the cleaning supplies, removed old food from the refrigerator, took the garbage out, and partially decluttered the entrance to the apartment. (I did not weep or wail or moan or imagine aloud what my mother would say about this or that layer of filth, which is what usually accompanies my cleaning, so I have progressed from the maturity of a fifteen-year-old to at least that of a twenty-something. This means I am now only about a decade behind in maturation relative to my years).

  5. Today, I saw batwing sweaters, legwarmers, cut-offs with tights, skinny pants with patent leather heels, checkerboard shoes, and a pair of large, canary yellow, plastic hoop earrings. (This makes me wonder if those little-house-on-the-prairie, ruffley shirts will come back, too. Please no).

  6. I liked a strawberry. (I have never really liked strawberries and usually only eat them because I secretly cannot believe that I don't . To be truthful, though, I threw the strawberry into my mouth with a slice of watermelon, which both sweetened and lightened the flavour of the berry to make it more palatable).

#737: Love Is...

"Moonbird" - 1959 Academy Award Winning Cartoon